


In Its Time

by whisper_feather



Series: All Time [2]
Category: ONEUS (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bottom Son Dongju | Xion, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Feels, Friendship, Gay, Gay Friendly World, Gay Sex, Healthy Relationships, Hospitals, Kim Geonhak | Leedo/Son Dongju | Xion - Freeform, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Old Souls, One Shot, Parallel Universes, Romance, Soul Bond, Souls, Top Kim Geonhak | Leedo, Xido, Xiondo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:09:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 36,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24995908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whisper_feather/pseuds/whisper_feather
Summary: Geonhak can't be happy. Everyone says it's endogenous depression. He spent years of treatment, but he is still missing something. He still feels lonely and doesn't understand what it can be.He has one dream, still the same for many years, with no answers. Mirror in the room full of fire.He is restless and empty. He is trying to live without expecting anything.One day, using a dating app, he sees someone's profile.This person was supposed to change his life. In addition, his therapist invites him to participate in group therapy...*Dongju lives in a hospital.He has troubles with sleeping. He can’t sleep, and when he succeeds, he has nightmares that he is trapped in an ice lake. He doesn't understand why this is happening. He would like to live a normal life.He feels lonely, but he tries to be positive. He doesn't expect anything to change in his life.One day he receives a message in a dating app, and the therapist encourages him to participate in group therapy.----(Disclaimer: this story it's a parallel universe for Our Time, it's related but also it's happening in a different time)
Relationships: Kim Geonhak | Leedo/Son Dongju | Xion
Series: All Time [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2106396
Comments: 22
Kudos: 71





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ  
> vvvv
> 
> Dear ToMoon,  
> This story is coming from my heart. It's not perfect, but because it's a One Shot I think it turned out well >///<  
> Of course this is an answer for #JusticeForOurTimeXido because I saw few Moons asking for it. Honestly, I wanted to do a story like this. Where Geonhak and Dongju are finally happy!
> 
> So this story is related to this one (if you didn't read it yet, please give it a try! I worked hard :")  
> [Our Time - AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24108871)
> 
> It is related but it is not a direct continuation (!). It's a separate story in a completely different world, somewhere in the future :)
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes I probably did >///<
> 
> As always, please, let me know what you think. Your feedback is extremely helpful and it's giving me power to make more stories for you! <3
> 
> [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/whisper_feather)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/whisper_feather)
> 
> Thank you and I love you~~

_Hyung..._

_It's winter._

_The days are passing very quickly now and I can feel my eyes will be closed for a long time soon._

_Hyung, sometimes I still feel angry that you left first, leaving me here. Sometimes I can't forgive you even though I knew how impossible that was. That what was born between us. I took comfort from the words that I received from your letters. I collected photos that you sent me and I carefully concealed everything._

_Meeting your wife also gave me comfort. After your death, she gave me all the letters, because apparently that was your wish._

_I thank you._

_There was no day when I didn’t go back to these letters just to hear your voice in my head. I imagined your gray hair and smile. I was wondering what it would be like to hold your wrinkled hand._

_If we stayed together would we leave at the same time?_

_I feel no shame or regret. All memories from that dream are very vibrant in my head. I lived that long only thanks to those memories._

_I thank you because I had a good life. I have great sons and many grandchildren. I did what I could to share my knowledge with them. All I can do now is wait for my eyes to become too heavy to stay open. And the heart becomes too tired to continue to beat._

_I feel nervousness and impatience. It is as if my whole body is craving to finally rest._

_I will be buried with this letter._

_I curse this letter. I make it a spell in which I will lock my soul. I forbid my soul to rest until it finds yours. No matter how tormented or weary it will be, it will know peace only when it finds you._

_I'm almost 80 years old. I survived more than I might think, but my mind is still amazingly clear, full of thoughts about you._

_I thought this feeling would diminish, but it didn't happen, and I've felt constant pain since you died. It's a longing that no one will ever soothe. I see no point in being here anymore._

_My wife is dead. My children parted in their ways. I have no reason to be here any longer._

_I did what I had to do. I saw what I had to see._

_Now I want only one. Only one I need._

_I curse my own soul, praying to all the gods I know. It won't know peace until it finds you._

_I curse my soul to find you when love is not forbidden for us._

_I curse my soul in this letter, which I will take to my grave with me, and I believe in your words that our time will come. I believe that we will meet again._

_I will know._

_These things don't happen every day, so I will know when I will see you again. And when that happens, I'll never let you go again._

_With words of faithful, undying love,_

_Dongju._

* * *

* * *

[Autumn]

"Please, speak."

Geonhak sat in silence for a moment. He leaned forward slowly, and put his elbows on his thighs, fingers folded together. His blonde hair covered his forehead. He stared at the gray carpet, remembering everything.

"I had a dream. In this dream I’m in a dark room. This is very real. I can see dust floating in the air, I can smell wood and books. I can hear the creaking floor. I’m heading towards the mirror. It's a tall, gold frame, but a bit damaged. Part covered with old material. The closer I get, the clearer the reflection. I can see arms and legs, but I can't see the whole face..." he sank into that vision. He couldn't even blink, cold tears running down his cheeks, wanting to get rid of dryness. "First, I think it's me. But the character I see is different. Lower, dressed differently. He reaches out and touches the mirror. I do it too, but I feel only cold glass. I want to reveal the material, I want to see the face but I can't move. I can only see my hands and lips of that person moving."

"Can you tell what the character says?"

"I'm not sure... I can't hear the voice. It looks like he says _'I'm waiting'_. I want to break the mirror. It's hard for me to breathe. It's getting hot in the room. I know something important is waiting on the other side of the mirror. I want to get there, but I can't. It's like my soul is being absorbed and I can't do anything about it. I can't see the flames that surround me. I can't leave but I can't stay. I shake the mirror, I fight. I want to know the answer and finally live in peace. The old material is burning. I take a step back. I see one eye staring at me from the other side of the mirror. I cry and want to scream... And I scream, waking up." Geonhak fell silent and soon woke up, blinking quickly. His eyes burned and he pressed his fingers to his eyelids, rubbing them. He wiped his face and sniffed loudly, staring at the rug again.

"I don’t know what it means."

The therapist moved slowly, improving her position in the chair.

"Sometimes dreams mean nothing. Sometimes it reflects our fears and desires. You had bad experiences with people. Maybe the character on the other side belongs to you? Maybe it reflects what you want?"

"I want peace. I don't want nightmares. And I certainly don't want any people in my life. Never again." he felt rebellion and resentment. He wanted to get out of here. He couldn't agree with that.

The therapist bent slightly, resting one elbow on the armrest.

"Our meetings are here to help you understand. Nobody will force you to do anything. If you feel you can't do it today, you can leave. We'll talk some other time."

"I want to go home." he whispered. He felt how hard he was breathing.

"Okay." the therapist said softly. "Please, think that maybe the character in the mirror is you. What is waiting and what he wants, only you can find out."

"Mh." Geonhak grunted. He was irritated by the gray carpet.

"All right. I will prescribe mild sleep pills. This will help you sleep without nightmares."

Geonhak saw the card in front of him. He took it slowly.

"Mh."

"See you soon?"

"Mh." Geonhak got up and left.

The street was also gray. Everything was so gray. He hated that color. He kept his hands in his pockets walking down the street, his head bowed low, hiding in the deep hood of his sweatshirt.

He didn't want to think. He didn't want to feel. Feelings only caused pain.

At the pharmacy he was getting impatient. The woman was looking for a box of medicines for which he had a prescription. He wanted to be at home.

He came out quickly, freeing himself from the smell of chemistry, herbs and disinfectant. He walked quickly, almost ran, feeling his lungs gasping for breath.

It was approaching, he knew it.

Panic. Anxiety attack.

There were so many people on the street. Too much. He saw old and young. He saw children. When he passed couples in love, he felt nauseous.

Never again.

He tried. He tried so hard. With a girl, with a boy... Nothing helped. It was empty. It meant nothing to him.

Geonhak slammed the door of his apartment and leaned back. He slid to the floor and sat there, his head between his knees. All windows were covered. The apartment was pleasant and dark. And silence. Complete silence, except for his wild beating heart.

He stood up and pulled off his black hoodie, throwing it on the armchair. He took a glass of water and took a few pills.

Soon they will start working and he will finally feel nice sleepiness.

Endogenous depression. That's what they called it. They thought it was his brain's fault. While others ate kimchi and rice, he ate pills. Ever since he remembered. But it didn't help. He was only sleepy. He knew he was born heartbroken, but he didn't know why.

He was always the little boy standing by the side, insecure, quiet. He didn't want to be noticed. He wanted to slip through life and be forgotten. After years he mastered the method of blending in with the background. He became gray, like a pavement, like a cold stone.

Despite the pills, he still saw the mirror in his dreams. He wanted to control it, but it was stronger.

He was asked more than once if he had thoughts of suicide. No. Never. It’s possible that he looked like he was thinking about it. He was quiet, still nervous, hiding whenever he could. But something kept pushing him forward. He still felt hope, though he had no idea why. Life in a gray world, where even during sunny weather it rained for him.

What did life want from him? Why was he so unhappy?

Why was he still alive, waiting for something better day by day?

But he felt something approaching. He was impatient, nervous because he was waiting.

But for what? He couldn't understand that.

He even became interested in astrology and divination. He read about reincarnations, karmic tails. It was all so absurd and made no sense, but at the same time it made sense.

One of those people who knew reincarnation told him:

"If your heart has been broken for so long, it can only mean that you were very unhappy in your previous life. Your soul was so badly wounded that you now have a mark. You could have been separated from someone you loved. Or someone else was taken from you. You may have been a mother who lost a child. You could have been someone who lost a lover. Your soul is still looking. But if it is here, maybe the answer is closer than you think. Don't separate yourself from people."

It didn't make sense to him. But he didn’t have any other explanation. His family was pretty normal. Parents gave him so much love and care. At school it wasn't easy but he just kept moving forward.

And now he was here. And his treatment was unsuccessful and he knew it. The current therapist treated him better anyway. Like a human, not a broken unit. He tried because he thought that this person was even worth it.

He turned on the television, wanting to stop thinking about it all, but when he saw the advertisement of the dating application, he turned it off immediately. He knew it too well now.

_"Love doesn't choose. Gender doesn't matter. Find the one and only forever."_

Love.

Could he feel it at all?

He lived in a world where all love was accepted, regardless of whether they were two men or two women. It lasted for years, but humanity finally stopped fighting it.

It was a long process, many families fell apart, friends turned their backs on each other... but after many years the world finally accepted it. There were still places where they were averse to look at same-sex couples or people who changed their sex, but in the end they could live normally and enjoy their rights, like everyone else.

Marriages were legal. Adoptions also, though, it took a very long process to get permission. But it was possible.

This ended the problem of unwanted and abandoned children.

Rape, violence, hatred... these were all individual cases now. You could feel safe on the streets again, even at night.

Geonhak lived in perfect times for love and couldn’t feel that love.

And even if he was dating someone, he usually ended it. He didn't feel anything for these people.

But despite his reluctance, he had that damn app on his phone. Everyone has it. As soon as the world accepted same-sex relationships, there were immediately those who wanted to create a monopoly on it.

One thing hasn’t changed, the rush for money.

And even he gave in for that app.

He had an account there, but he didn't use it. His profile was uninspiring, and in the description he only had the words of an old song:

_I need somebody to heal_

_Somebody to know_

_Somebody to have_

_Somebody to hold_

It might have been a little pathetic, but it was really one of the few songs he liked. He really didn't care if someone talked. Usually he ended up deleting messages or blocking annoying people. They didn't understand what the song was. They thought it was an encouragement.

It was ironic that he was a trainer. He helped people build their figure, motivated them, saw smiles on their faces. And people liked him. He also knew that he arouses interest. He heard that he was attractive and not once received an invitation to coffee.

He hated coffee.

Invitation to a drink.

He didn't drink alcohol because he took too many medicines. What he didn’t talk about that loudly.

He always refused politely.

But when he helped others, he felt kinda good. He felt he was in control and maybe it was helping him survive what was happening in his head. He just wanted to know what it's like to feel joy, what it's like to love. He was curious and hungry for this experience.

But the days went by and he learned to live by the pattern.

And it was a sufficient comfort zone he needed.

Despite the therapist's great support and the whole mass of new drugs, his condition didn’t improve at all.

He was like a riddle.

Physically healthy, he was able to function in society and he never quit his job.

But emotionally he was empty and because he had been like this since his birth, no one could find a reason. And without a reason, they couldn't find a solution.

But this therapist didn’t give up as quickly as others. This time he wasn’t left alone.

"I've got a proposition for you." she said. "A new group therapy cycle begins next month. There will be different people with similar problems as yours. Come."

"For what?"

"I don't think it’s you who need to be fixed. You need to fix relationships, well, create new ones. I run this therapy, so I hope it gives you enough comfort. We will try to open your heart in this way. Let some light into this rainy place, hm? " she smiled.

Geonhak was indifferent. Which was surprising. He didn't want to refuse.

"All right, I'll come."

"I’m glad. I will send you the exact date and address."

He has never been to group therapy. Nobody suggested it to him, because no one went with him so far as to give him a chance.

It was weird and he felt a little nervous, but he believed that maybe this was the way to finally start making progress?

When he returned home and took a serving of pills, he lay down, feeling familiar drowsiness. He had nothing to do, so he was browsing the dating app. He had many suggestions that he rejected. He didn’t believe in any pattern that he filled out the questionnaire, marked a few boxes, and from there, there would be someone suitable for him. Until now, everyone he met was a misfire.

And then he saw one account. He almost rejected it, but his eye saw the text in the description…

_Now the day bleeds_

_Into nightfall_

_And you're not here_

_To get me through it all_

It was amazing, almost impossible, because it was the same song he used. Although he was sleepy, he sat down and accepted the proposed profile. He hesitated for a moment, but opened a new message.

_I let my guard down_

_Tuesday, 23:53_

He felt stupid. He wrote to someone completely stranger. He usually responded to the messages he got, but never started a conversation. It was the first time and his hands were shaking a bit.

And when he felt anxiety and wanted to delete the message, he saw that the person on the other side was writing back.

_And then you pulled the rug... hi?_

_Wednesday, 00:03_

What was he supposed to do now? Why was he so nervous?

He took a deep breath. It was so stupid. But it was amazing that someone else knew this song.

_Hey. I'm surprised someone else knows this song_

_Wednesday, 00:03_

_Yeah it's a bit old TT_

_Wednesday, 00:04_

_It is. But ... it expresses a lot_

_Wednesday, 00:04_

_True! I listen to it very often lately ^-^_

_Wednesday, 00:05_

_Me too._

_Your profile appeared in my suggestions_

_and I almost rejected it…_

_Wednesday, 00:05_

_Ohh usually i talk to people at night._

_I have nothing to do anyway :D_

_Wednesday, 00:05_

_I usually don't start a conversation,_

_but this doesn’t happen to see someone_

_using the same song lyrics…_

_Wednesday, 00:06_

_Ahaha this stupid app did something good for once._

_Two people with good musical taste could meet xD_

_Wednesday, 00:06_

_This is true! I'm Geonhak by the way._

_Wednesday, 00:06_

_Dongju. Ok we are boys. I'm a bit relieved…_

_sometimes girls DMing me_

_and they are weird. ..Sometimes_

_They are sending strange suggestions fjdkda_

_Wednesday, 00:07_

_Wait. How old are you?_

_Wednesday, 00:07_

_And you??_

_Wednesday, 00:07_

_23._

_Wednesday, 00:07_

_Oh... I'm a child to you TT_

_Wednesday, 00:07_

_???_

_Wednesday, 00:07_

_I’m 20…_

_Wednesday, 00:07_

_This is a normal age._

_Wednesday, 00:08_

_TT_

_Wednesday, 00:08_

_Oh come on._

_You know Lewis Capaldi._

_You are old enough._

_Wednesday, 00:08_

_I should call you hyung…_

_Wednesday, 00:08_

_Call me Geonhak._

_That's okay!_

_Wednesday, 00:08_

_I don't know... I'll see._

_Do you have any weird stories, hyung?_

_Wednesday, 00:08_

_A lot_

_Wednesday, 00:08_

_you wanna talk?_

_Unless you are busy??_

_Wednesday, 00:09_

_I have forever and nothing to do._

_I can talk…_

_Okay, where to start._

_Once I got the message that if I want a hug,_

_I can get it and get paid..._

_if I agree to something more._

_Wednesday, 00:11_

_Oh no ;;;_

_Wednesday, 00:11_

_Yeah._

_Wednesday, 0:11_

_I got it too. It's terrible…_

_Wednesday, 00:11_

_I have so many rejected and blocked profiles_

_that I’m surprised that there are still some_

_in the suggested ones._

_Wednesday, 0:13_

_Same! Omg xD_

_Wednesday, 00:13_

_Funny. I've never talked to anyone_

_for so long… and we are talking for few minutes_

_Wednesday, 0:13_

_Me neither._

_Usually it was like: hi, wanna sex?_

_Me: bye!_

_Wednesday, 00:14_

_I’m so sorry… It's really weird._

_Why people are like this._

_Wednesday, 00:14_

_Very weird. But, hyung…_

_I don't want to end?_

_I mean, this conversation is nice…_

_Wednesday, 00:15_

_I’m not going anywhere._

_Wednesday, 00:15_

_Noice xD maybe we can_

_add each other to friends list?_

_Wednesday, 00:15_

_Sure, why not._

_Wednesday, 00:15_

_Ok doing it now!_

_Wednesday, 00:16_

_You are Capricorn._

_Somehow I had a feeling…_

_Wednesday, 00:19_

_That’s bad?! QQ_

_Wednesday, 00:19_

_No, no. Interesting._

_I read about astrology._

_To kill boredom._

_Wednesday, 00:20_

_ME TOO._

_WHAT'S GOING ON HERE. I’M SCARED xD_

_okay but your sign is Leo._

_I felt Leo's vibes a lot... It's funny._

_I can't believe this is happening._

_If you only pretend, hyung, I'll find you.._

_Wednesday, 00:21_

_Should I be afraid of you?_

_Wednesday, 00:22_

_Yes!_

_Wednesday, 00:22_

_You are a baby._

_Wednesday, 00:22_

_No Im not!_

_Wednesday, 00:22_

_But you said it yourself…_

_Wednesday, 00:23_

_Im not a baby ;;;;;;;_

_Wednesday, 00:23_

Geonhak smiled. It was a fairly new feeling he didn't expect. He felt something warm in his chest. He didn't know the boy, but he wanted to protect him. He wanted... He wanted to know him better.

_You're cute._

_Wednesday, 00:25_

_:)))_

_Wednesday, 00:25_

They exchanged a lot of messages during the day. Geonhak didn’t refuse to speak to someone who apparently understood him. He didn't dare talk about his problems, he only mentioned that he had to take a lot of medicines and hopes that he won’t have to do it someday. As it turned out Dongju was also under a doctor’s care.

They had so many similarities that it could be scary, but for some reason Geonhak felt that maybe Dongju was the companion he needed.

The new month arrived and the date of group therapy was approaching. He wanted to do this because he wanted to meet Dongju one day and not be emotionally withdrawn. Dongju seemed so cheerful and full of life. Geonhak didn't want to spoil it.

_I don’t want to text._

_Can we talk?_

_If you feel comfortable enough…_

_Friday, 21:37_

Geonhak suggested. He didn’t expect a fast response but Dongju did it almost immediately by sending him his phone number. This boy had no resistance.

"Hi." Geonhak said when Dongju finally answered the phone.

"Hyung, your voice is so low!"

Geonhak felt his heart twitch.

"Yours too. Nice to hear you."

"You too, hyung!"

And so it began.

A series of events that Geonhak had no influence on but didn’t intend to do anything to stop it.

They talked a lot, sometimes for hours.

And these were sometimes such simple conversations... What they ate, what they watched on TV, childhood memories. Dongju talked a lot. He was like a radio that never stops, and Geonhak never stopped smiling when he heard him.

"It may sound weird, hyung, but I feel like I know you. I haven't talked to anyone for so long. And I haven't been talking about an hour or two, we've been talking for weeks. It's so weird." Dongju sighed into the phone.

"I feel the same. It's also very new to me, but I'm happy. However, I don't know how often I will answer because I will be very busy in the next few weeks."

"Mh, yes... I understand. Me too. But answer as much as you can, hyung! Please."

"Of course I will. But it's very late now. Go to sleep, Dongju..." Geonhak asked.

"I'll try. Good night, hyung."

"Good night."

Geonhak watched the screen dimmed and soon Dongju's contact name disappeared. However, before Geonhak put away the phone, the screen lit up again, notifying him of the message received.

Dongju sent him a photo.

_I want you to know how_

_I look like, hyung :)_

_I mean I look terrible >///< _

_but I want you to know that Im real_

_Thursday, 00:46_

Geonhak blinked and had to process what happened for a moment. Hearing a voice is one thing, but to see his face? Dongju was very slim, but he still had a little bit of baby fat on his cheeks. Which made him look so cute. He was lying on his stomach, smiling and supporting his chin on a plush toy. He seemed so innocent.

Geonhak didn't like taking pictures, but he made an exception this time.

_Forgive me that this poor quality photo,_

_I have no talent for taking pictures._

_But I’m also real_

_Thursday, 00:58_

_Im very happy_

_and the pic is very good!!!_

_Good night :D_

_Thursday, 1:00_

* * *

Geonhak felt nervous.

But he was there and saw a few people waiting before entering the room. Inside were several chairs arranged in a circle.

His therapist arrived shortly afterwards.

"I'm glad to see you. I hope you will like it... I really see a good chance for you in that."

Geonhak nodded.

He wasn't so sure, but he had to try. If he ever met Dongju, he didn't want to be a block of ice. He wanted to enjoy this meeting and wanted to spend time with him. They had so many topics to discuss, music to hear, movies to see. Dongju loved old movies, and not the ones from 2020 or later, but even those from before 2000. And Geonhak had quite a collection of such movies.

He felt something new in his body. Some excitement, impatience. He wasn't sure what it was, but he liked it. And this pushed him to go to this therapy and fight to awake his emotions.

Geonhak entered the room first and took one of the chairs. Others slowly appeared, taking more seats. Geonhak stared at the floor, completely unsure of what would happen next, but tried not to think about it.

The rug was gray. Why did they always use gray? He also smelled the medicines and disinfectants. It was right next to the hospital, so that explained a lot.

"All right, welcome." the therapist said. "I'm glad you're here. First, I'll tell you what it will look like, okay? We'll introduce ourselves and say something about ourselves. My name is Wheein and I will try to guide you through the whole process. If you feel that something is not okay, just let me know. During the break you can talk to each other, but try not to make closer contacts. The point is that you stay as neutral as possible for the other members of the group. We will see each other three times a week, except weekends.” she talked very slowly and gently. “Is there anyone who would like to start?"

There was silence for a long moment. Geonhak felt pressure but didn't want to start first. Yes, he came here to try to fix what was broken, but suddenly he felt so anxious.

"I’m Keonhee." one of the members spoke up. "And I don't like to eat..."

Geonhak glanced at him. He was so thin and pale. He was wearing a gray sweater, and the armband was visible on his wrist. So he had to be in this hospital.

"Very good, Keonhee." Wheein said. She sat quietly, letting the next person speak.

Geonhak opened his mouth. He decided that since he was here he should start working together. But someone else took the opportunity...

"I’m Dongju..."

Geonhak's head jumped up. His heart started beating so fast that he felt dizzy.

The boy he knew from the internet was here now. How this was even possible?! Is this still a coincidence?

He was sitting right in front of him and looked at his hands. There was also a hospital band on his wrist. "And I can't slee..."

"I'm Geonhak." he said so quickly that Dongju didn’t finish his sentence. Their eyes met. The flash Geonhak saw in his chocolate eyes made his knees soften. He was grateful that he was sitting. "I can't be happy." he finished and couldn't take his eyes off this boy.

His reddish hair was a bit dull, his skin was thin, he had dark circles under his eyes.

Geonhak didn't see it in the photo he got then, but it was probably a matter of light and filter.

Geonhak didn’t really hear what others were talking about. The world could revolve around him and he would not notice it.

After an hour, Wheein announced a break so that they could eat and drink something.

Geonhak and Dongju got up at the same time and went to the table with snacks and water.

"I didn't expect our meeting so soon." Geonhak said.

"Neither do I. This is why you are supposed to be busy?" Dongju asked.

"Yes. I have a depression since birth. Nothing can help me but I wanted to try group therapy because I didn't want to be an emotional wreck when we meet..."

Dongju laughed and took a small cookie.

"It's funny." the boy said. "Because I can't sleep since I was born. During the day I sleep up to four hours. Usually it’s three. On and off. Doctors are surprised that I’m still able to function... I live in this hospital."

"So we're both broken, but we want to try to fix ourselves for someone completely stranger to us. Interesting."

"I just don't know what to think about it." Dongju stared intently at Geonhak. "I don't feel like you are a stranger to me."

"I... It's very odd, but I agree with you. I don't feel like you are a stranger to me."

"This is weird." Dongju laughed, eating chocolate cookie.

"Should we tell her?" Geonhak looked at Wheein taking notes.

"Not yet. We have been talking for some time. In a group, this can be perceived as a conflict. And I don't want them to move us."

"You are not here for the first time?"

"No. But I usually stayed for one or two meetings and left. This time I really wanted to stay. And you are here..." Dongju looked at Geonhak again with the same look. There was something soft about him, something fragile. Geonhak wanted to touch his hair and it was really weird. He had to hold himself back.

"I hope we can succeed."

"I have a feeling this will happen." Dongju smiled.

"So you live in a hospital?"

"Yes. I have to be under constant observation. Sometimes I lose consciousness and I can’t control it. Also I’m taking very strong medicines that I couldn't have at home. Keonhee also lives here."

"Is it anorexia?"

Dongju shrugged.

"Nobody knows. He just doesn't like to eat. He gets a drip regularly. We know each other by sight, but we never talked. Hyung, I'm sorry I never told you."

Geonhak was surprised.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Dongju. I didn't tell you either. I'm sure we would do it anyway."

"Mh. But I'm really happy to be here together with you."

Geonhak wanted to say something, but the therapist asked them to return to their places. They could sit down where they wanted, so Dongju sat down next to Geonhak, pushing his chair closer to him.

Geonhak was a bit surprised, but he didn't mind. On the contrary, Dongju enjoyed his closeness. He had never felt that way until he was around or talking to Dongju.

The session was ongoing and Geonhak also tried to participate. He answered to Keonhee most of the time because he also helped others with diet, he saw the problem quite differently, so he hoped he could help that boy.

Suddenly something heavy rested on his shoulder and slid to his knees. The therapist jumped up and Geonhak needed a moment to discover that it was Dongju.

"I have to call a doctor!" she was nervous.

"No, no." Geonhak shook his head. "He's just sleeping. I saw him getting more and more sleepy, but I didn't think he would fall asleep. Maybe I'll take him to his room?"

Wheein sighed.

"You shouldn't leave the session, but there is probably no other way. If he fell asleep, that's good. Just be careful. I'll tell the nurse to expect you."

Geonhak carefully picked up Dongju. He didn’t weigh too much, so it wasn’t a difficult task for him. He looked so calm, curled up and nestled in Geonhak's chest.

The nurse showed him a room where Geonhak could put him. The boy's pulse and pressure were measured. He was really sleeping. His breathing was even and deep. Geonhak covered him and sat down next to him to watch his sleep.

When he was sure Dongju was sleeping very deeply, he wanted to leave the room, but Dongju was holding his hand in a strong grip. And whenever Geonhak moved, Dongju was holding him closer, until he was completely cuddled into his arm.

That boy, really. What was Geonhak supposed to do? He couldn’t move or anything. But looking at his sleeping face was so calming. It was so weirdly natural to him.

He looked around a bit.

There were several books and a few plush toys in Dongju's room. It seemed so colorful that Geonhak was really surprised. It’s as if the gray color has never existed. Each element here was unique, but he could also feel some melancholy. He saw family photos.

He now had insight into what personality Dongju had and he knew he loved every little detail. He felt comfortable and good here.

As if he had come back from a long journey and finally could rest.

His mind became very clear.

Geonhak looked at Dongju feeling warm in his heart. He brushed the hair back from his forehead and listened to his breathing. He couldn't understand how it happened, but he wasn't going to think about it at all. He just accepted it.

Dongju shifted, his eyelids quivered. He took a long, loud breath and let it out slowly through his nose. Finally he blinked lazily and looked around confused.

"What...? Hyung...?" Dongju rubbed his eyes.

"You fell asleep." Geonhak smiled.

"I did? This is something new..." he yawned. "Did I sleep long?"

"Solid three hours. Almost four." Geonhak looked at his watch.

"And you sit here so long? Hyung, it's late!" Dongju looked at the window, where it was already dark.

"It's nothing. Also I couldn’t move.” he smiled a little. And Dongju finally noticed that he was still holding Geonhak’s hand.

“Oh, I’m so sorry hyung!”

“It’s okay. I asked if I could stay with you and they let me. You fell asleep during the session and put your head on my lap. Wheein-noona says you felt safe next to me."

"Hm, it's true that I feel safe with you. But I didn't think it would be the reason I fell asleep... And I feel I could sleep more. It's so weird." he yawned again. There was a grunting noise in the room. "But I'm also hungry."

Geonhak laughed.

That was something new as well.

"We can go eat something. I'm hungry too. Can you leave the hospital at all?"

"Yes, but I have to sign the list and have my phone with me. And I can't be alone."

"All conditions will be guaranteed, so we can go to one place that I know."

“Very nice. I will just change my clothes and we can go!”

* * *

* * *

[Winter]

Snow appeared quickly and it was really cold already.

Dongju sat in the window and stared at the slowly falling snowflakes whirling in the air. He was smiling and his heart was light and beating a little faster with excitement.

"Dongju!" the nurse scolded him.

"I'm so sorry, noona!"

"Why are you so excited? Your heart rate is accelerating." she sighed and removed his sleeve, taking the pressure gauge away.

"Geonhak-hyung is coming today. We're going to eat together."

"Ah, yes. Your hyung." she smiled. Dongju felt his cheeks warm.

"I don't understand what you mean, noona."

"I said nothing. Here, your medicine. Eat now!"

"Yes, yes!" Dongju took a glass of water and swallowed three small pills. And then the nurse left.

Dongju knew perfectly why he was excited. Geonhak was his best friend, the first in his life and he wanted to spend every spare moment with him.

A few months ago he had no idea it would happen. He was checking profiles on a dating app without any specific purpose. It was simply an easy way to talk to someone.

And one evening he got a private message. And so it began. He felt the connection so quickly that it terrified him, but he couldn't stop. And then it turned out that they were participating in the same group therapy.

It was shocking at first, but the fact that Dongju was able to fall asleep just like that... It surprised him the most. When he was with Geonhak, he was so calm, relaxed, but positively excited at the same time.

They had so many common topics. And when they went out to dinner that day, they kept doing it every day. Dongju also often realized that he was grabbing his sleeve and following him, watching shop windows. He had not gone anywhere for so long. He could never walk alone, and his parents couldn’t come too often.

But now he had a friend with whom he could visit all cafes, restaurants and shops he had never been to.

And he always came back to the room with something new. With a soft toy or a book or a movie.

He was so happy, that it was almost unreal.

And he has never slept so much. Maybe his sleep didn’t last all night, but he noted a significant improvement.

He was still very tired and sometimes felt very bad even to the point of not being able to get out of bed. His head ached and all the sounds and smells irritated him. He then wanted to hide from the whole world. Yes, they finally gave him something for pain and sleep, but when he woke up, he wasn't rested at all.

When he had these migraines, he grabbed the phone.

_hyung i feel very bad…_

_Sunday, 13:08_

_Head?_

_Sunday, 13:13_

_yes... they will give me something_

_and I will fall asleep but_

_I just wanted to talk to you for a moment_

_Sunday, 13:15_

_I am here for you_

_Sunday, 13:15_

Yes, he always was. And always, when Dongju woke up, Geonhak sat next to him on the bed. And he was smiling. It was such a relief to see his face and smile. Dongju really didn't need much.

Just his best friend.

After two months, there was still a strong bond between them. They even seemed to be closer and closer. Dongju sometimes felt angry when Geonhak gave attention to others in the group, but then he was angry at himself. Geonhak was such a good person. He wanted to help everyone around. And Dongju wanted to learn to be as good as he was.

But of course it couldn't last that long. It couldn't last forever. That group therapy.

"How are you, Dongju?" the therapist asked, smiling gently. Dongju liked her calm tone of voice.

"Good. This week was migraine-free. And I sleep more and more." he said, feeling he was making really good progress.

"I saw, good job! But I wanted to talk to you about something else today. You and Geonhak seem to be close, yes?"

Dongju felt his heart skip a beat.

"Yes. I mean, he is my friend..."

"I’m very happy, Dongju. Don't get me wrong. You both have made very good progress, but that is not what group work is all about."

"I understand, noona." Dongju lowered his head. He felt guilty. They delayed it too long. They neglected this topic because everything seemed fine. "Does anyone suffer through us?"

"No, but your close relationship destroys an objective view of the problems of others. But because you have made progress, you could go back to the individual course of therapy. I have a few people on a waiting list. I know it is sudden, Dongju, but these are the rules and I want the best for everyone."

"No, no. It's okay, noona!" Dongju smiled and looked at her. "We talked about it once and agreed that if one day our friendship begins to harm others, we are ready to leave the group. Good if no one feels bad because of it yet. We will leave before someone gets hurt."

"Dongju, I understand your decision, but I would like you to think. Everything goes very quickly between you two."

"We're friends. Is that bad?"

"I didn't say that. You spend so much time together."

"I don't understand. It's not bad, but you're suggesting something else, noona. Sometimes understanding just clicks between two people and that’s it. I don’t feel it’s wrong at all.” he said a bit nervous.

The woman sighed and looked at him thoughtfully.

"How do you feel when you are with Geonhak?"

"As if I would find my friend whom I lost a long time ago. I can't describe it. I have said it many times, how empty and restless I feel. How difficult it’s for me to fall asleep because I have a constant feeling that I have to do something, I have to find something. It’s a feeling when something was forgotten."

"Keep going."

"I felt it all the time, but not anymore. Really. I don't think it’s an illusion. Even when we disagree with each other, we still return to the conversation because we need it. He is always honest with me. He has never let me down..."

"And how are your nightmares? Do you still have them?"

Dongju sighed and pulled the sleeves of his sweatshirt over his hands.

"Not so often. Almost not at all. But from time to time, yes. I have them."

"Their content has not changed?"

Dongju shook his head.

"No. I'm still trapped under the ice and I can't breathe. It's very cold and I'm scared. I see someone who is there, trying to pull me out, but I can't see the face. I hold my breath, I punch ice with my fists. This person, I see a shadow, trying to break the ice. And then it gets darker and darker. I can't breathe. It hurts. And then I wake up. It happened to me recently and again it was very real and terrifying. This feeling of hopelessness and loneliness… It’s like the cold water is trying to take all happiness away from me."

"Do you take your medication regularly?"

"Yes. I try to remember. I really want to improve my life, I’m working hard on it... I trained how to meditate, I listened to relaxing music, and tried everything! But nothing calms me down like Geonhak-hyung. I can't explain it."

"I know many cases, but this is also new to me. Maybe this is not a very conventional approach, but as long as you feel better and it has a positive effect on your health, I support."

"Geonhak-hyung became my therapy. Noona, I respect you very much. You helped me a lot, but Geonhak-hyung..."

"I understand, I understand!" she raised her hand and laughed. "I just have to consider sad scenarios as well."

"I don't think he will hurt me. He is too good. He would never do anything that would hurt me. I just know it."

"I can see how confident you have become. That's good. May you be stronger. Let's stop today. I'll also have to talk to Geonhak about this group."

"He will say the same, I'm sure." Dongju said without a shadow of a doubt. “The only thing that bothers me is that I can hurt him somehow… I’m really scared of it. Sometimes I feel so jealous and angry.”

She frowned and was silent for a short moment.

"Do you want to talk about it longer, Dongju?"

He shook his head.

"No. Not today. But next time."

"All right. Noted. See you soon?"

“Yes, thank you, noona.”

“Thank you too, Dongju.”

Dongju wasn’t wrong. Geonhak agreed to leave the group if there was a risk of harming others. Dongju was relieved because he didn’t want to hurt anyone, but he certainly didn’t want to break contact with someone who was so important to him.

He couldn’t explain many things, but he didn’t intend to oppose anything.

It started to snow and it was very cold. The end of the year was almost there. Dongju was waiting for a message because they were going to eat something together. Finally, his phone made a sound. Hyung was waiting for him outside. Dongju signed the list and saw that Geonhak had already done it as an accompanying person.

Dongju ran out of the hospital, and felt joy fill him inside. Sometimes he wanted to embrace him, feel him close, but he refrained. Dongju had no problem showing his feelings as much as Geonhak-hyung. He laughed a lot, but he was still very reserved. So Dongju didn’t want to do something that would make him feel uncomfortable.

Dongju adjusted his hat and saw Geonhak standing nearby. But he wasn't alone.

The smile slowly fell off his face.

"Dongju, you are finally here." Geonhak smiled and turned to face him. "I thought I'd invite Keonhee. He should train eating."

"Did they let you leave the hospital, hyung?" Dongju asked.

"Yes." Keonhee nodded.

"Alright then." Dongju tried to smile, but felt angry inside. He didn’t expect them to have company.

In the restaurant he glanced at Keonhee and gritted his teeth. He talked to Geonhak-hyung as if they had known each other forever. They laughed and joked. Geonhak was always giving him something to eat and yes, Keonhee ate. It was very strange. Was there something between them? But how is that possible? Dongju knew Geonhak-hyung much longer. They have a thread of understanding that is difficult to explain. Where did Keonhee come from?! When they started to be friends?!

And it was repeated almost all the time. The three of them walked everywhere and Dongju felt growing frustration.

He didn't want Keonhee around.

He wanted Geonhak only for himself.

"I'm jealous." Dongju said on his therapy. "It burns me from the inside. I'm furious when Keonhee-hyung is with us. I don't want to talk to him, I don't want him around when we leave with Geonhak-hyung!"

"Have you talked to them about it?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because that wouldn’t be polite. And I’m trying to be polite. I know that Geonhak-hyung wants to help him. That it's for the good of Keonhee-hyung and for his health. But even more pisses me of thinking how many times they went somewhere without me. I saw entries."

"Why do you think you are so angry?"

Dongju sighed.

"I know that Keonhee-hyung has a problem with food. And I know that Geonhak-hyung helps him. Because he is a good man. No, he is an angel. He also helps me." he felt his throat tighten. "But something is trembling in me and I can't accept the fact that... they will get closer."

"That is why you are jealous?"

"Yes. Yes, that's it because... I fell in love with Geonhak-hyung.” he finally said it at loud. “And I don't know what to do. I don't want to tell him because I'm afraid he doesn't feel the same and it will only make him move away. But I'm also afraid that if I don't tell him he'll find someone else."

"It's a vicious circle, Dongju."

"I know! But I don't know what to do!" he covered his eyes. He didn't want to cry now. "Noona, tell me what to do."

"Dongju, you know that I can't tell you what to do. But I think you will make the right decision. Think about what would be the best and most fair way for everyone. Hide it and feel the rage rising? Or be honest and open a few paths through it? Remember, you can't know what someone else is thinking until you ask him. Communication is the key to agreement. You should work on it and I can tell you that."

Communication is the key to agreement.

Yes of course. Only it wasn't that easy. Dongju tried many times to start the topic but didn't say a word at the end. But he really tried to look at it from a different angle.

He spent a lot of time with Keonhee because being in the hospital they didn't have much to do. Dongju learned his story, as he had an accident when he was small and almost died because he choked and now he was afraid to eat anything.

Dongju discovered how gentle and delicate Keonhee's character is. But despite how weak and thin he was, he had so much positive energy. And his jokes were really funny.

He was a really nice person. Easy to be with. Funny, helpful. It was easy to scare him, which was a little funny for Dongju. Loud noise, something suddenly fell, someone entered the room very quickly - he always jumped and even screamed. And it was really hilarious for Dongju. But he really was a crystal one.

"I was able to eat porridge today." Keonhee-hyung said, very proud of himself.

Dongju wanted to laugh, but pursed his lips. Someone who wasn’t able to eat anything and lived thanks to drip... It had to be a lot of achievement.

"I’m very proud of you, hyung." Dongju said that honestly.

"It's easier when you have supportive friends. It's thanks to you and Geonhak-hyung." Keonhee smiled. His eyes seemed to be full of tears.

"Me? I didn't do anything!"

"But you spend time with me. You take me with you to the restaurant and it really helps me. I'm not alone. I feel safe. And I really want to eat, I want to try."

"It's... It's very good, hyung."

Dongju was speechless.

How wrong he was. He felt stupid for feeling all this anger at Keonhee-hyung while he was developing and his health was getting better.

Yes, Dongju was still afraid that he and Geonhak-hyung would get close to each other and Dongju would lose his chance, but he still didn't have the courage to speak. There was still stubbornness in him to keep quiet.

His thoughts were very agitated and confused. He couldn't sleep, so sometimes he thought all night and before he knew it was already morning, which didn’t bring any answers.

The knowledge that Dongju had fallen in love with Geonhak was so shocking that he was often left alone, struck by it. But it made sense? Geonhak was someone close to him. He was a person whom he trusted, thanks to which he slept better, thanks to which he gained the meaning of life.

But the fear he felt was different. Fear that he will lose him.

And he didn't know why the feeling was so strong. So shocking. He didn't know why there was a thought in his head that he might lose him _again_.

He cried many nights.

His parents wanted to take him home for Christmas, but he refused. Not when he found out Geonhak-hyung was staying in the city.

Sometimes he didn't reply to messages, although he wanted very much. He didn't want to go anywhere because he said he was feeling bad and wanted to stay in bed.

But because of this, Geonhak and Keonhee-hyung had more time for themselves and this gave him no peace. Why was he struggling with himself so much? Why couldn't he go and say how he felt?

It was annoying. He was annoying.

Dongju spent the night watching people in other parts of the world celebrate the new year. Everyone had fun, danced and sang. They ate, drank champagne, watched fireworks.

_Happy New Year, Dongju :)_

_I hope you will feel better._

_We would like to spend time with you._

_Tuesday, 00:02_

“We”

 _We_ mean the three of them.

Why did he hate it so much? He liked being with Keonhee-hyung and liked being with Geonhak-hyung... But he couldn't accept spending time all together.

What was wrong with him?

He hated himself.

He was a bad person and he didn't deserve anything that was good.

* * *

"Do you know what is the reason for this anger?"

"No. I like them both, really. Keonhee-hyung is a great person. We have so much fun together. I've never had so many good memories and photos of being with friends... But when we have to go somewhere, all three, I can't stand it."

"Is this still jealousy?"

"I don't know. Now that I'm sitting here it seems stupid to me... I'm starting to turn this hatred towards myself. I don't want to become someone with whom they won't be able to spend time..."

"Have you thought about the two solutions I showed you?"

"Yes. But I still don't know. But I'm starting to see that the state in which I am finally starts to negatively affect them both. We hardly talk to each other. I have so much regret in me because I have this strange feeling that I’m wasting time unnecessarily, and which is finally given to me. I have to do something finally. I have to talk to one of them... "

"Do what you think is right, Dongju. Remember that everything is a blank card that you fill up yourself."

Dongju thought about it very intensively actually.

He and Keonhee were sitting in the hospital lounge and watching some stupid program. Keonhee-hyung ate the chips slowly and bit them thoroughly.

Dongju finally sighed.

"Hyung?"

"Mh?"

Dongju will regret this.

"Do you and Geonhhak-hyung... meet?"

"You mean today? No, he's busy..."

"No, I don't mean today. I mean, do you go on... dates?" he said it so quietly that he could hardly understand himself.

"What?" Keonhee looked at him.

"Dating."

Keonhee blinked and sat surprised, Dongju felt his cheeks and ears turn red.

And finally Keonhee laughed, clapped his hands several times and looked at Dongju. Then he laughed again until he began to cough.

"I'm sorry!"

Dongju was pissed off and crossed his arms over his chest. He wasn’t laughing at all.

"Great, laugh. I asked a serious question! Hyung!" Dongju hit him on the shoulder.

"Aah! No, no. We don't go on dates. Eww. He is like a big brother to me... Wait." he looked at Dongju with a very disturbing smile.

"I'm going to my room." Dongju got up quickly.

"Wait, wait! Does that mean you have a crush on him?"

"I didn't say anything like that!"

"Ooohhhh you have a crush on him, don't you?!"

"Be quiet!"

Keonhee followed him like a shadow.

"I knew that. That's why you were always so moody when we were walking somewhere together."

"Not true, I... I... I'm sorry."

"It’s fine, but you should tell him."

"I'm not sure it's a good idea."

"You should tell him, I'm serious." Keonhee suddenly sounded quite different. His face also changed.

"You think so?"

"Yep."

"I don't know! He may not feel comfortable."

"You won't find out until you check. You haven't known each other since yesterday. Try. I think it's worth it."

Dongju couldn't stop thinking about it.

He felt better knowing that Keonhee-hyung is not his rival. The anger is gone. He didn't want to argue with a friend. It was the worst case scenario. But now... he had the opportunity. But anxiety remained.

Until his birthday, he couldn't have the courage to talk to Geonhak-hyung properly. Their relationship seemed normal again, since talking to Keonhee-hyung but he was still a coward when it came to his feelings.

He felt like a helpless kid.

"To your place? In the sense of your apartment?" Dongju raised his eyebrows.

"Yes." Geonhak smiled gently.

His smile made Dongju knees soften.

"O-okay. What for?"

"Because I thought we'd have a movie night. It was a long week and I really would like to spend this time with you two."

"All right. Sounds fine to me."

"Nice."

He was nervous.

He didn't know why, but he would be in his hyung's apartment for the first time, and it made his stomach squeeze so much that it was probably the size of a peanut.

It was a small building, close to the park. There was peace and quiet place.

The flat wasn’t big. A large living room combined with a tiny kitchen and it was also a dining room. Bathroom and bedroom. Nothing special but Dongju liked it here.

"Sit down." said hyung, pulling out his snack bowls. "Here are the menu leaflets, so order what you want. I have to go for one more thing. I'll be right back." he smiled and left.

"Will you tell him today?" Keonhee-hyung didn't wait.

"About what?"

"That you have a crush on him."

"No!"

"Ah, you are hopeless. Tell him today. It's the perfect time!"

"We're not even alone!"

"I'll give you a moment when I go to the bathroom."

"That's not what a confession should look like. When a friend went to the bathroom to poop, hyung!"

"Ooohhhh! Dongju, how stubborn you are. Take advantage of this moment, or I'll do it for you."

"No, you won't!"

"Try me."

"I hate you."

"No, you don't." he chuckled.

Dongju sat offended and only pointed his finger at the food he wanted, and Keonhee-hyung spoke on the phone, ordering it.

A good half hour passed, and Geonhak-hyung still didn’t return.

The food came faster than him.

"I'm worried." Dongju whispered.

"Don’t be. He said he would be back soon."

"But he's gone for a long time." Dongju looked out the window. It was already dark. "What if something happened to him? It's slippery, maybe he fell? Maybe we have to call him?"

"Hmm... anything can happen, it's true."

"Hyung!"

"What? I'm just stating a fact, but that doesn't mean that something happened to him. But maybe it'll encourage you to think. Maybe when he comes back you'll be more certain to tell him how you feel."

"I hate you."

"No, you don't."

It was the truth. Dongju didn’t hate him. But he was just scared. He felt, however, that hiding it no longer made sense. Because it will only get worse.

He wanted Geonhak-hyung to be his.

He wanted Geonhak-hyung to be his _only_.

After a few long minutes, he finally returned with a large bag.

"What is this?" Dongju asked.

"Dessert. Choose a movie, okay? Keonhee?"

"Sure!" Keonhee-hyung grabbed Dongju and pulled him towards the TV and grabbed the remote control, searching the movie library. He was so confused that he didn’t suspect anything at all.

And suddenly the light went out.

Dongju turned and saw Geonhak-hyung standing in the dark. He was holding a cake with lit candles.

"What...?"

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!" they sang in chorus.

"No..."

"Happy birthday, dear Dongju! Happy birthday to you!"

"You planned it!"

"Make a wish, Dongju." Geonhak said, offering him a cake.

Dongju sighed. He wanted to cry. How did he deserve to have a surprise birthday. Birthdays he forgot. Although he received wishes and a gift from his parents.

But he thought for a moment, glanced at Geonhak-hyung and smiled. All he wanted was to be with him. And when he felt it deep in his heart, he blew out the candles.

Keonhee-hyung turned on the lights. He said something about film and food, but Dongju didn't hear him. He stared into Geonhka-hyung's eyes and couldn't stop.

"I have to go to the toilet!" Keonhee-hyung called and the bathroom door closed.

Dongju felt his heart beating fast.

"Are you okay?"

"Uh-huh." he grunted, but it wasn't good at all. He thought he had a stroke or something.

"Dongju, you are very pale..."

"I love you!"

There was silence.

"Oh." Geonhak smiled and put the cake back down securely. "So that's it."

"No, no, no! I'm sorry... It wasn't supposed to come out like that... I understand that you don't feel completely comfortable when it comes to feelings. I'm sorry, hyung. You don't have to worry about it at all. I’m so stupid! Keonhee-hyung told me to try and I panicked and..."

"Can you stop for a moment? I want to tell you something."

Dongju bit his lip. He was trembling and his heart was about to leap out of his chest and start dancing on the carpet in any minute.

Geonhak-hyung grabbed his hand gently and smiled.

"It's true, I'm not very talkative about feelings, but I definitely have them. During these last few months I started to notice it and you are the reason. Dongju... I'm glad you told me that. I'm glad it happened today because I wanted your birthday to be special. I don't have any special gift except this small party."

"It's perfect!" Dongju wanted to cry but he held his hyung's hand tightly. He didn't want to let him go.

"No, not yet." Geonhak-hyung leaned forward and Dongju held his breath as their lips met.

He didn't know what was happening to him, but it was as if he knew those lips very well. He couldn't stop feeling that he missed it so much and his soul was torn to pieces, and now it was beginning to fall into one.

Geonhak didn't seem surprised either. He embraced Dongju tightly, holding him close. Dongju slipped his fingers into his hair and grunted loudly as his body shuddered. He wanted him. He desired him. Here and now. It was like a flame that would devour them both.

"Wait, wait..." Dongju whispered in his lips. "My brain can't handle it. Do you love me too?"

"Yes."

"How long?"

"For some time. It's hard to say because I felt from the beginning that I wanted to be close to you."

"How is this possible... Why is all this so strangely familiar?"

"I don't know, but I feel the same."

A few more kisses.

"I don't want to stop kissing you. Is that normal?" Dongju was torn between his desires and the awareness of how cringy this might be.

Geohak laughed.

“It’s okay I guess. Want to kiss your boyfriend."

"Oh my god, my boyfriend. Is that real?"

"Well, it's for me. Keonhee helped me a lot. He was my secret agent..."

"Keonhee-hyung? He? Ahh this hyung... I hate him!"

"No, you don't! Can I leave the bathroom now?" a voice came from behind the door.

Dongju was ashamed to admit that he had forgotten about him. Hyung laughed when he could finally leave the bathroom and looked at them with some strange satisfaction.

"Finally. I will have peace of mind. You two have been making circles around each other for so long... I couldn't look at it anymore."

"It's not that simple..." Dongju said, sitting cuddled to the side of Geonhak-hyung. "You should understand that. It's like with your food."

"I know, I know." Keonhee sat down next to them and smiled. "I understand. I'm glad that our plan was successful and you are finally together. Now you have two options. We eat, watch a movie and I'm going away... Or I'm going right now."

"What? No, no!" Dongju sat up straight. "Absolutely not. First of all, it's my birthday and you were part of this trick. Second of all, I want you to stay and we will come back to the hospital together. We're friends after all. We won’t abandon you just because we are a couple now... This still sounds irrational to me."

Keonhee snorted.

"It's okay. But if you start to eat your faces, I’m out. I’m very happy for you both, but I don't feel like watching it."

“We… we won’t do that!” Dongju felt it turn red again.

But the evening passed very nicely. They watched old movies and had a lot of good food. Even Keonhee ate, though much slower than the two of them.

"You look much better. Your skin has become ruddy." Dongju said.

"Yes, I also gained some weight. My doctor says I’m making very good progress. I may be able to go home by the end of the year." he smiled.

"That's really good news!"

"Yes, but... a lot of work is ahead of me."

"You can do it." Geonhak interjected. "We will help you."

Keonhee smiled a bit wider. And it was a really nice thing to see, especially when that smile finally reached his sad eyes.

So it was a really nice and pleasant evening. It was very late when Geonhak-hyung walked them to the hospital. Keonhee-hyung went towards his room and Dongju went towards his.

He stopped at the door.

"Do you want to come in for a moment?" he asked shyly. Hyung nodded.

And as soon as they entered and the door closed, Geonhak-hyung turned him around, embraced his face and began kissing him without thinking. Dongju couldn't resist it, so he gave himself completely, trying to keep up. Hyung's hands lower down his hips. Dongju breathed quickly, felt his body getting hot. Fingers sliding under his jacket, hoodie and shirt...

"Wait." Geonhak-hyung stopped everything he did. But his lips still touched Dongju's. "First, not here. Second, we've only been together for a few hours..."

"Are we really?" Dongju whispered, not wanting to stop kissing him. "Don't feel like it's been a few hours."

"I know, Dongju. But we have to think sensibly." he stroked his cheeks and looked into his eyes. "I'm still a bit shocked."

"Me too. But I like this shock."

They both laughed. Geonhak kissed his forehead and hugged him for a long time. Dongju tried to remember his smell and warmth. It was his place to be. He knew it.

"Stay with you until you fall asleep?"

Dongju shook his head, his face still buried in his chest.

"No. I ate too much and I'm too dazed to fall asleep. I will probably watch musicals or some drama. But you have to go to work tomorrow, so please... Go and sleep, okay, hyung?"

Geonhak laughed.

"I will try to."

"And take care. Let me know when you get home."

"I'll take a taxi if it calms you down."

"Yes, do it."

"Okay." he said softly. "See you later."

"Mh."

A few sweet kisses. How would Dongju survive the next few hours without him around?

It was a completely new situation for him and he had to adapt to it somehow. They both had to do it.

* * *

"We're a couple now. I don't know how it happened, but... Everything suddenly made more sense. It was on my birthday, a few weeks ago, and I feel like it happened yesterday. I can't describe it. But I feel so... filled. There is no more anger, jealousy, uncertainty. Sometimes I sit in the room and cry because I'm so happy. I don't know if it's a normal reaction, but I try not to hold anything. What I feel for him is so strong and certain. I have never been so sure about anything like this. I love him so much. Sometimes I’m afraid that I’m saying this too often to him, that I’m too... intrusive. But he only laughs and accepts it all. He never complained, I never felt him resisting. He is so open, waiting, patient..." Dongju sniffed and covered his face with his hands. "I'm a mess, I'm sorry."

Wheein handed him a box of tissues.

"It's okay that you feel overwhelmed. You've been alone for a long time. You admitted that you felt reconciled with loneliness, but you didn’t treat it favorably. What is happening in your head now is your emotions that are trying to find their place again. You just have to remember to use common sense."

"Yes." Dongju sniffed his nose. "I remember. That's why we are in no hurry with anything. Although I feel that..." Dongju sighed. "I need him. Physically. Sometimes we exchange a few sentences about this, but it's still all so far away. But we don't want everything at once. This flame came suddenly and without warning and we want to control it, not be absorbed by it."

"Very good attitude. Very mature, Dongju. Being in a relationship is not only pleasure, but also facing many difficulties."

"We’ve been facing difficulties from the very beginning, noona. I think it’s time for us to finally enjoy life. Everything comes in its time, and our time is now. Finally.”

Wheein looked at him for some time, smiled slightly and wrote something in her notes. Then she looked at him again.

"All right. I will just add that sexual attraction is natural and you don't have to be afraid of it. When you're ready for the next step."

Dongju nodded. He knew that perfectly well.

But his head was full of visions that gave him no peace. A vision in which one day he would see Geonhak-hyung naked and it was getting very interesting here.

"How is your sleep, Dongju?"

The question pulled him from his thoughts about sex with his boyfriend.

"My sleeping? It's not much better. I certainly sleep more than before, but I still have nights when I'm just awake. I have migraines much less often and it’s a real relief. I got used to sleep deprivation, but these migraines were terrible. Now are much rarer."

"Okay, it's good to hear that. Doesn't Geonhak's presence make it easier for you to fall asleep? I know he sometimes left very late, waiting for you to fall asleep."

"Mh, yes. And he still does it whenever he can. But I know he's tired too. I don't want him to sacrifice so much for me. Besides, we use facetime a lot. Sometimes I fall asleep when he is saying something. His deep voice is very calming. But yes, I still can't sleep more than three or four hours."

"It's more than before, Dongju. Everything in its time. As you said." Wheein smiled warmly. "And your nightmare?"

"Knock on wood, but it hasn't appeared yet. And I hope it won't come back."

"It's okay. Is there anything else you'd like to talk to me about?"

Dongju thought for a moment.

"No, I think not."

"Alright. So I'll see you next week. Unless something happens, then let me know."

"Okay."

Dongju was sure his nightmare would come back someday. He was afraid that it would happen someday. He seemed to be recovering, now that he and Geonhak were together, everything should start to fall into place. Dongju had so much. He had a friend and someone he loved very much.

Why was something still not letting him sleep?

Maybe it's the fear. Maybe that's it.

It was still on the back of his head.

"I can talk to you until you fall asleep." Geonhak-hyung, as always, was very willing to help.

"I know, but it won't help. This nightmare may appear after I fall asleep. And I'll be here alone, so... Ugh, I know it's just a stupid dream, and yet it scares me so much."

"That's normal, Dongju. I also had a nightmare, remember? But it passed. Yours will pass too."

Dongju sighed. Sometimes he thought he would always be like that.

He looked at the screen where he saw his boyfriend's face. It was still so surreal.

"I hope." Dongju said. "I miss you. I wish you were here. Next to me."

Geonhak smiled.

"I don't know if they would let me stay overnight in your room. Besides, I'm afraid it would be hard for me to stop myself."

"Oh?" Dongju snorted. "Well... I wouldn't try to stop you at all."

"And that's the problem, Dongju!" he laughed softly. "No, you wouldn't stop me."

"What can I say? I want... I want to have sex with you. This is not a secret. We've already talked about it."

"Dongju..." Geonhak moaned. "I know and understand. Believe me, it’s not easy for me at all... But we agreed on something."

"Yes, but it annoys me more and more. Why are we setting any limits at all? I realized this recently, talking to Wheein-noona. Finally, we can live normally, why wait? For what? I know I love you and I know I want to be with you. I have no doubts."

"I have no doubts either."

"So why are we doing this at all? Why are we waiting? Geonhak." this was the first time he addressed him so directly and he liked the sound of the name in his mouth. Dongju turned on his stomach and rested his chin on the pillow, staring at his hyung. "I want it. I want to be yours completely."

"Oh god..." Geonhak whispered and sighed, combing his hair. "Okay. We'll figure something out. But not there." he pointed at the screen. "Maybe they'll let you stay with me for the night?"

"We can ask."

"Okay."

"Okay." Dongju smiled. "I'll talk to my doctor about it. I'll find out what options we have."

"You are very determined."

"To sleep with your boyfriend? Very much."

Geonhak laughed.

"All right, see you then."

"See you. I love you, hyung..." Dongju was very emotional suddenly and didn’t want to end the conversation.

"I love you too. Try to sleep, okay?"

Dongju nodded and kissed his fingers several times. Geonhak laughed again and shook his head, hanging up.

These gestures were a bit embarrassing for his hyung, but Dongju liked to do it because it always made Geonhak laugh. And that was the most important thing.

Talking to the doctor was a bit embarrassing, but Dongju made the seal clear. He was finally an adult and suffered no serious illness. Besides, he had lived here for many years and the doctor knew him very well.

Dongju has made great progress, never sweated anything, tried to take medicine regularly and go to therapy. I guess they could give him a free evening from time to time so he could spend it with his boyfriend.

Dongju prepared the whole speech in case the doctor had some contraindications, but eventually he was surprised.

"You just need the consent of your therapist and entry on the list. Dongju, this is not a prison. You do not need to have such a combat attitude." the doctor laughed. "But you'll have to come back here for a check."

"Yes? Ah yes! Of course! Thank you very much. Very!"

Dongju ran out of the doctor's office and ran away from the hospital to reach Wheein-noona's office. He knocked and knocked until she finally opened.

"Dongju, did something happen? Do you feel bad?" she was very worried.

"No, no. It's okay. But I need your permit, noona."

"Permit on what?"

"To spend the night outside the hospital."

Wheein blinked and laughed.

"I understand. A date. All right. I understand that you were talking..."

"With the doctor! Yes. I just need your permit."

"Allright, alright. Relax." the woman laughed and sat down behind the desk. "Sit down for a moment. I understand your excitement, but give me a moment."

Dongju was ready to give her even the whole day. While she was completing the document, Dongju sent a message to Geonhak-hyung.

_:))))))))_

_Thursday, 11:27_

  
  


_Dongju?_

_Thursday, 11:29_

  
  


_I can go to your place_

_for the night! : DDDDDDDDDDDD_

_Thursday, 11:29_

  
  


_Wow. It was fast._

_And there was no problem?_

_Thursday, 11:30_

  
  


_No: DDDDDDDDD_

_I just have to have permission_

_what Im doing now_

_and I have to go back at the morning_

_to check and for meds but otherwise..._

_Hyuuuuunggggggg >////< _

_But to make it clear_

_it's not just about... going to bed_

_I just want to spend time with you_

_All evening, just for us_

_I feel stupid now hfdjs_

_Thursday, 11:32_

  
  


_Dongju, that's fine_

_Don't worry so much._

_I also want to spend the evening with you :)_

_Thursday, 11:34_

  
  


_ > /// < _

_Okay, when do you have time?_

_Thursday, 11:34_

  
  


_Next weekend would be the best._

_Maybe Friday evening and you would stay_

_for the whole weekend? if there is a possibility_

_Thursday, 11:35_

Dongju felt his heart skip a bit. The whole weekend with Geonhak-hyung? Just the two of them?

He felt stunned for a moment.

"Noona? Could I stay there for the whole weekend?" he asked. The woman looked at him. "In theory, I have the opportunity to go home for the weekend, right? I just never used it..."

"Yes, but then you are released from the hospital and referred to your legal guardians. And here we are talking about a date, Dongju."

"Uhm, I suppose so." he looked at his hands. "I just thought it would work. I can be here for a check and meds and then go back again."

Wheein-noona sighed.

"Dongju, I understand your excitement. I can see that you are both becoming healthier and happier, but try to be reasonable. Remember where you met and about the problems you faced. They didn't disappear."

"But..."

"I’m not forbidding you because this is not my role. I just want you not to bet all on one card. Take care of yourself first. Remember that the progress you have made is enormous, but you are still undergoing treatment."

Dongju felt angry. He was okay. He took medicine, tried to sleep as much as possible. He hasn't lost consciousness even once in several months. He never felt better than he does now.

"Yes, I remember. You're right, noona."

He preferred not to argue with his therapist. After all, she was here to help him and she had been doing it for many, many months. He could trust her. She always cared for him, and even if it seemed silly to him now, he wanted to be healthy.

Because if he gets well, nothing will stop him from being with Geonhak-hyung.

* * *

He started the countdown.

Next weekend will be the best in the world. And it wasn't really about sex, though he wanted it so badly. He only wanted to be with his boyfriend without worrying about being interrupted by a nurse.

"Just a few more days." hyung laughed at him.

"It's not funny. I really can't wait. What are we going to do? Let's watch something cool and eat something good." Dongju stared at him, pouting and bringing his face closer to the phone screen.

"Of course we will." Geonhak-hyung laughed. His laughter was like the rays of the sun. Dongju loved to hear him laughing.

"Should we discuss our sleeping habits? Because if you kick in your sleep, I'll have to think about it."

"What? I’m not doing that!!" that sweet laugh again. "I’m very calm. I usually wake up in the same position I fell asleep.”

“Mhm, okay, okay. We will see. And what about pajamas? Any... interesting fashion choices?”

“What is this question…” Geonhak laughed again. “ I sleep as you can see..." he raised the phone a bit further so that Dongju could see a bit more.

And Dongju saw a very naked chest.

"Naked?!"

"Uhm, no..." hyung suddenly became very shy and embarrassed.

"Okay, you cover yourself with a blanket."

"Ah, no! I mean yes, I cover myself but I'm wearing shorts. I’m not naked naked."

"Mhm... I see. But you can sleep naked with me. I won't get angry."

"Dongju..."

"I'm serious. Boyfriends shouldn't have secrets."

"Well, do you have any sleeping habits?"

"I don't think so? I don't have much experience with sleeping..."

"Ah, right. Sorry. That was a stupid question."

"No, it's okay! You didn't hurt me... I think I like to cuddle."

"Cuddle?"

"Yes. I like to have a lot of plushies, as you know, and if I fall asleep, I usually wake up cuddled in one of them."

Dongju was thinking. There was silence for a moment.

"Dongju." hyung spoke. "When we will finally be together, sleep together, I promise to hug you all night."

At these words he felt his throat tighten. But he didn't want to cry here and now, although he did cry quite often lately.

He sniffed and smiled.

"And try to break that promise, hyung. I know where to find you."

Geonhak smiled slightly.

"I won’t break it. Try to fall asleep, hm? I'll read you about the economic situation in Europe. If it doesn’t put you to sleep, then I don’t know..."

"Why do you have an article about the economic situation in Europe, hyung?" Dongju frowned.

"I just clicked on the first better article." he laughed. "Come on. Close your eyes."

Dongju sighed, made himself comfortable and listened to the calm voice of his hyung. Over time, this voice became more and more distant, and finally Dongju fell asleep, not even knowing when.

* * *

It was so close. Big day. Dongju even had a backpack ready with clothes and cosmetics. He was ready to go.

He was also so excited that he didn't even notice that he hardly slept at all. He didn’t feel tired or depressed, there was no headache. There was not even one symptom that would make him think that something is wrong.

He ate breakfast with Keonhee-hyung. They laughed and joked. Dongju thought about how they were basically strangers some time ago and now they were best friends. They knew each other so well, and Dongju knew when Keonhee needed help. When he saw him struggling with food, he gave him water without a word.

Everything was so natural.

And it was so precious to him.

"So it's tomorrow? A big day?" Keonhee smiled, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

"Yes! I can't wait. It will be so strange to sleep outside the hospital. With my boyfriend. Sometimes I’m still so shocked."

“Yeah, I know… shocking that you're not annoying to someone."

Dongju hit him on the shoulder.

"Ouch! Am I wrong?” he asked, giggling.

“Hyung… I swear…”

"Okay, okay. I will stop. You are blushing. Awww.. Ah but remember to bring condoms."

"Hyung!"

"What? Safe sex is important. How old are you, Dongju? You should know that! Or maybe you need advice from your older brother, hm?" Keonhee laughed and clapped his hands several times.

"It's not funny, of course I thought about it. I'm not a child!"

"I don't know. I’m sure you will stop being him soon." he raised his eyebrows and Dongju slapped his shoulder again.

"Ouch! Ouch! Domestic violence!"

"I hate you."

"No, you don't."

Dongju smiled. He had to stop saying that.

He loved Keonhee. He was like his real brother. Thanks to him, the days in the hospital stopped being so long. They played games, watched and commented on stupid TV programs. And above all they could count on each other.

Dongju returned to his room to see if everything was ready. Tomorrow evening he will be in a completely different place.

He sat on the bed and sighed...

Water surrounded him from all sides. It was cold and quiet.

He only heard a dull hum.

Thousands of needles hit his skin whenever he tried to move. Underneath him was dark water. He could see the light above him. He moved, swam up. He hit the ice with his hands. He saw the light, but he couldn't get out. There was nowhere to go.

The ice stretched endlessly in every direction.

He hit his fists.

Someone was there. He saw the shadow. This person also tried to break the ice.

He was losing his breath, he felt him running out of strength. He wanted to scream, but tried to protect the remaining oxygen in his lungs.

That should hurt. It hurt, but at the same time he felt nothing.

It was close. The ice became thinner and thinner.

In the end he couldn't stand it. He opened his mouth and wanted to scream, but there was no sound. He could see the air escaping, turning into bubbles.

He heard a ringing in his ears.

It was getting darker and darker and he began to sink to the bottom. He was trembling, unable to breathe. He opened his mouth again in desperation...

Dongju sat up suddenly.

He felt cold sweat on his neck. He was trembling and didn't know where he is or what time it was. He fell asleep? He didn't know.

He was breathing hard.

He took his jacket and left. He ran ahead without looking sideways. He ran and ran, feeling cold tears on his cheeks.

Doors were closed.

He reached for the phone. He was gasping for breath. He could hardly see but managed to find that one phone number.

"Hyung..." he said quietly.

"Dongju? Dongju, what happened?"

"I need you... Where-where are you?" he cried, lying on the floor.

"I just left work. Dongju, talk to me what happened? Are you in the hospital?"

"No. I'm under your door..."

Dongju heard his breathing. He was running?

"Okay. I'll be right there, okay? Talk to me. What happened?"

"They'll kick me out..." Dongju didn't think soberly. "They'll kick me out. I didn't sign the list and left alone..." he cried.

"Everything will be fine. I take a taxi... Talk to me."

"I think I fell asleep. This nightmare ... it's back. I couldn't breathe and I couldn't get out. Please come quickly."

"I'm coming. Everything will be fine..."

"They'll kick me out..."

Dongju didn't know what happened next because the next thing he saw was his hyung's face.

Geonhak shook him lightly.

"Dongju... Dongju! God... you were unconscious here. Come on." hyung picked him up.

"I don’t know what is wrong with me..."

"Everything will be fine."

"I'm so tired."

The sound of the keys. The door that opens.

"They'll kick me out..."

"They won't kick you out. Are you cold?"

"No."

"Take off your jacket. Want to drink something?"

"No. Hyung?"

"Yes?"

"Hold me."

Warm arms. Strong arms covering him completely. Dongju put his head on his chest and closed his eyes. Soft blanket. Heat. A sound of beating heart.

"Dongju? Are you falling asleep?"

"Mh..."

"I'll call Wheein-noona. Everything will be fine."

"Mh..."

He didn't care. He just didn't want to be alone.

"Hello? Noona, it's about Dongju..."

Everything has turned black.

  
  


He slowly opened his eyes. He saw the ceiling, but it wasn't his hospital room. The smell was different, the room was different.

He looked around. He lay in a wide bed. He knew the smell very well. He snuggled into the pillow.

Geonhak-hyung.

Thoughts started coming to his head very slowly.

He lost consciousness.

He had a nightmare.

He ran to Geonhak-hyung in shock.

In the hospital they didn't know that he left...

He stood up and opened the door. At the table he saw Geonhak-hyung and Wheein-noona.

They both looked at him.

His heart was beating so fast and his hands were shaking.

"Am I in trouble?" he asked, feeling like he will cry in any minute.

Geonhak looked at the woman and stood up, coming to him. He hugged him tightly, kissing his forehead.

"Everything is fine."

"How can it be fine? I left the hospital without telling anyone!" he said but he was holding tight his hyung’s shirt.

"Dongju." Wheein-noona said. "Sit down, please."

He couldn't look at her when he was sitting in the chair opposite her.

"Geonhak told me you called him and he found you unconscious at the door. Do you remember?"

Dongju blinked and sighed.

"Yes. A bit. I don't know what happened."

"You had a nightmare?"

"Yes. And when I woke up I panicked. I just ran here... I was just thinking about seeing hyung. That I would be safe with him. But what will happen to me now?"

"Dongju, I called the hospital. I said I took you for a walk because you didn't feel well... I shouldn't have done that, but I don't want to give you trouble, which you have anyway. What happened?"

Guilt... hit him like a hammer.

"I was with Keonhee-hyung. We ate dinner and then I went to my room. I think I fell asleep because I only remember the nightmare. It was as real as ever. And when I woke up I just left. I can't explain it. My body reacted automatically."

Noona sighed.

"Have you slept in the last few days? Did you take your meds?"

"I didn't sleep much. At least I don't know if I slept. I don't think so. Maybe an hour or two a day... I took the meds. I think so."

He swallowed hard. Hyung stood up and returned with a cup of tea. Dongju put his hands around it. He felt warm. He understood how cold his hands were until now.

"Dongju, do you know what this means? There has been a regression. You must go back to training and we will see each other every day."

He just sat there. He felt tears streaming down his cheek.

"Don’t cry." hyung whispered.

"So I can't come to sleep here?"

"I'm sorry, Dongju. But no."

He sighed and pursed his lips. He hated himself. Only one day left and now… everything's gone.

"We have to go back, Dongju. You have to eat, take a warm shower and go to bed. I will also ask your doctor to give you stronger sleep medication. You must start sleeping, Dongju." her voice was nervous. "Your body starts to turn itself off. You know it's not good."

"I know." he whispered.

He was scared. He was very scared.

"Can I come with you, noona? Maybe I could stay with him most of the night?"

"Geonhak, you know the rules. I already broke a few of them... But I only do it because I want you to be healthy, Dongju. I really want it."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize to me. We just have a lot of work to do again.” she sighed. “I'll give you a moment and wait for you outside."

When she left, Dongju just sat and looked at the cup with warm tea. The delicate steam swirled, disappearing just above the cup.

"Dongju, don't worry. Everything will be fine." hyung spoke softly, kissing his temple.

"Why did this happen to me? Why can't I be normal?"

"You're normal. You just need more time."

"And you had a regression, hyung? How are you doing?"

"Good. It's not perfect, but I'm still working on it too. Dongju, I need you in my life. Don't give up, okay? Look at me." Dongju did it, though reluctantly. "Do not give up."

Dongju nodded.

Geonhak kissed him and hugged him tightly. He only wanted to be in these arms. Did he ask for so much?

He doubted if he even deserved Geonhak-hyung. Because hyung certainly deserved someone better. And Dongju had no more strength to fight.

He was too broken.

He will never recover.

His head was full of gloomy thoughts…

* * *

* * *

[Spring]

_Hey, maybe some movie today? :)_

_Sunday, 10:16_

No answer.

Geonhak has been trying to contact Dongju for many weeks. And either he didn't get any answer, or the answer was short and without emotion.

Dongju avoided him and he knew it.

Since that day, Dongju has become a completely different person. He was sad and silent. Geonhak felt it begin to affect him. Many things stopped enjoying him and he also stopped laughing.

That day, when Dongju called him, when he heard his trembling voice and crying... he was ready to go crazy, just to be next to him as soon as possible. His workplace wasn't far away, but he still took a taxi to be there faster.

When he found Dongju lying on the floor under the door of his apartment, his heart stopped.

He was better now. Why did he suddenly get worse?

"Regression can occur at any time." Wheein-noona said as she sat in his apartment after he called her. "This doesn’t mean that his case is lost. He will simply have to try again to get back to the point he had reached before."

"How long can it take?"

She sighed.

"Depends on his will. And on the problem. But usually a few months is the minimum..."

Geonhak sighed.

"So everything he has achieved so far... is gone forever?"

"I can't say that. I will find out when we resume daily therapies."

"I want to do something for him. What can I do?"

"Be forgiving but don't forget about yourself. Your therapy is also not over."

No, his therapy wasn’t over.

He was afraid that he would return to his old self if this will continue. He missed Dongju. He wanted to see and embrace him. But whenever he came to the hospital, Dongju couldn’t see him and he had many excuses every time.

Geonhak didn't understand that.

Did he do something wrong that Dongju suddenly pushed him away? It was a horrible feeling. Sometimes Geonhak caught himself sitting and looking thoughtlessly. It was a sign that his regression was also coming.

He loved him so much. Without thinking. And he liked that feeling. He didn't want to lose it. He couldn't deal with it.

_Dongju, I know you feel very bad_

_but I miss you_

_Talk to me_

_Thursday, 17:20_

  
  


_I love you._

_Please sleep._

_Thursday, 20:50_

  
  


_Hey, send me at least a word_

_that it's okay or that it's not okay_

_Anything..._

_Don't leave me unanswered!_

_Friday, 9:34_

  
  


_Hyung, it's not good._

_I have nothing to tell you._

_Try not to think about me._

_Have a nice day._

_Friday, 9:50_

  
  


_What the hell, Dongju?_

_Do you really think that's enough for me?_

_You do not want to see me,_

_you do not want to talk to me..._

_You treat me like it was_

_my fault!_

_Include my feelings!_

_This is not right._

_We are together_

_and we should go through it together !!!_

_Your isolation makes no sense to me!_

_Friday, 10:01_

  
  


_Hyung, please._

_You deserve better._

_Maybe we should break up._

_I will never get better._

_I know this._

_It's a waste of your time._

_Friday, 10:05_

  
  


_Oh no no no!_

_You won't send me messages like a robot!_

_Do you really think I will give up so easily?_

_Over my dead body, Dongju._

_I still feel strong,_

_but I’m also beginning to feel_

_that my depression is coming back._

_I need you, understand?_

_We need each other! Don’t give up…_

_You can always count on me_

_Friday, 10:12_

He didn't answer anymore. The message was read, but Dongju didn’t reply. The problem was that Geonhak could never find him in his room. But that's because Dongju knew his schedule well and knew when Geonhak could try to visit him.

So Geonhak had no choice. He had to use a trick.

  
  


"Hyung!" Keonhee called him from the door. Geonhak stepped closer, going inside. "There'll be dinner soon. We always eat together, so you should catch him now."

"Thank you, Keonhee."

"You don't have to thank me. He doesn't look good, hyung. His skin is gray. He has never had so many dark circles under his eyes. I only know that doctors give him some sleeping pills and yes, he sleeps, but something is not okay."

Geonhak sighed.

He knew what was wrong. They were somehow connected and they needed to be close to each other. The candle couldn’t give light without fire.

"He is here" Keonhee stopped in front of the entrance. "I'll sit down and start talking... Just come and do your thing whenever you are ready, hyung."

"Okay."

Keonhee entered the canteen and began to talk something cheerfully. Dongju just sat and looked at the bowl of rice. Geonhak felt his heart ache. He didn't really look good.

His dearest Dongju.

Geonhak took a breath and went inside, sitting down next to him.

Dongju didn't realize at once. He lifted his tired eyes at him and tensed his whole body. He wanted to get up, but Keonhee put a hand on his shoulder.

"Sit here and don't move. Try to run away again and you'll regret it." Keonhee said, looked at Geonhak and went to another table.

This silence was unbearable.

"Dongju, I wanted to see you."

"In this state? I'm sorry, hyung. Keonhee-hyung shouldn't have done this. You shouldn't see me like that."

"Dongju... What are you doing?" Geonhak touched his hair lightly, but the boy moved away. It hurts. "Will you try to give me nonsense that I deserve better? I have to disappoint you. I'm only interested in you. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I just let it go, huh?"

"It's not that there's something wrong with you, hyung. Just with me." his voice was very quiet and low. "I’m broken."

"Don't be silly. It's just in your head! You've made so much progress. You can do it again."

"I think something is wrong with my brain. They didn't say that to me, but I have my suspicions. I don't know if I'll ever get well, hyung. Please try to find someone who will give you happiness... Because it's not me." Dongju wanted to get up, but Geonhak grabbed his hand.

"Listen, there were not many people in my life who meant anything to me. Apart from my parents and Keonhee... you are the only person I have loved. I won’t give up just because you have a worse time. Don't isolate yourself because you won't help yourself or me. It hurts me instead, Dongju. This longing, this uncertainty... It's unbearable. But I don't want to give up on you. I want to get you back!" he sighed. Dongju lowered his head and pursed his lips and eyelids, but tears still appeared on his cheeks.

"I'm sorry." he whispered.

"No, don't apologize. What do the doctors say?"

"I take very strong meds. I sleep, but I don't feel better."

"And nightmares?"

Dongju shook his head.

"I'm too numb because of the meds to dream anything. But sometimes I see this ice."

Geonhak sighed.

"It will be okay. Do you trust me?"

Dongju glanced at him. His eyes were tired, dark and full of tears.

"With all my life."

"Then don't give up, okay? Listen to the doctors, work with noona. And let me visit you sometimes, I miss you." Geonhak embraced him. Dongju grabbed his jacket with all his strength and breathed faster. "I love you."

"I love you too, hyung."

Geonhak smiled.

"Okay. That's what I wanted to hear. I have to get back to work now, but I'll call you, okay? Just pick up the phone when I call."

"Okay."

"Promise?"

"Yes."

"Don't even try to think about ignoring me. Keonhee is on my side."

"Yes, I know... He also says every day that I need you. Because yes, I need you, hyung. Like air."

"So why are you doing this?"

"Because... Because I don't know if I can help myself and..."

"So what, you hold your breath? How do you want to live without air? You'll drown. Like in your nightmare. You make the ice thicker. And I'm trying to help you on the other side..."

"I... I never thought about it like that."

"Then talk to noona and think about it. I really need to go now, I managed to leave only for a moment, but I'll call you in the evening. Yes?"

Dongju nodded. He looked so hopeless.

Geonhak looked at him and felt regret. This boy deserves much more than this.

"Don’t worry." he whispered and kissed his forehead, embracing him tightly. Dongju cuddled up with him again.

He had to think of something.

It couldn't go on like that.

When he came back from work, he did face time with Dongju. Finally. They talked about many ordinary things. Usually Geonhak listened and Dongju talked vividly... but now it was the opposite. His heart broke when he saw Dongju in such a state. Lying, tired, defeated by a disease that was even difficult to define.

Was it even a disease?

He didn't know anything about it.

But at work, helping others and listening to different stories, he came up with an idea. Very absurd and he might have a lot of trouble because of that, but he knew it was the only way so far.

He told Keonhee about it and he helped him to carry out his plan. Geonhak felt strange sneaking into the hospital, but it was about Dongju. About _his_ Dongju.

He probably didn't think rationally, but he didn't care.

_It was just the last rounds, hyung_

_I left the window unlocked there_

_where i showed you..._

_Please be careful ;;;;_

_Wednesday, 23:03_

Geonhak smiled and sneaked in through the lower floor window. He tried not to laugh because it was like a movie and he didn't believe what he was doing, but it was very much real.

He broke into the hospital.

Getting to Dongju's room was easier than he thought. He opened the door and saw him lying on his side watching something on the phone. The movement caught boy’s attention and turned away.

"Hyung? What are you..."

"Shhhh." Geonhak silenced him and looked out the door, but the corridor was dark and empty. He closed the door and went to bed. He kissed the surprised Dongju several times and took off his jacket.

"What are you doing?"

"I’m not here. I’m one of the plushies to which you will hug."

"Hyung… What?"

"Come on." Geonhak also took off his shoes and slipped under the covers. "Maybe I should go?"

"No!" Dongju embraced him tightly. "But… Are you really here?"

"Yes. As a cuddly toy."

"Actually, I have one plushie toy that reminds me of you. This yellow round baby chick there." he pointed to the shelf. There was, in fact, round yellow plush baby chick.

"What? I'm a chicken?"

"Yes. When you scrunch your nose, when you laugh... you're cute. Like this chick." Dongju smiled, glancing up at him. "I can't believe you broke into the hospital to serve me as a cuddly toy."

"I already told you. I love you and want you back. And I want you to heal. That's all that matters now." he kissed his forehead and hugged him tighter. "Sleep. You are safe with me. No nightmares are allowed."

"Funny that I’m very aware of this… They also gave me meds so I’m very tired..." his voice became quieter and after a while Dongju fell asleep very deeply.

Geonhak smiled and closed his eyes as well.

It was harder in the morning. Mainly because Geonhak didn’t want to part with Dongju. He kissed him long and tenderly.

"How long did I sleep?" Dongju asked finally.

"You woke up several times during the night, but I think it was about five hours at least. Maybe more."

"You really are like a medicine."

"I will come today too, but now I must run."

"Hyung, thank you..." his eyes began to shine.

"You're welcome. This is what your boyfriend should do. Support you. Don't cry, don't cry." Geonhak laughed. "Rest, hm? And don't give up."

"Okay."

"See you soon."

* * *

Geonhak believed that spring, which came quite quickly, would help Dongju recover. Cold and bad weather never helped, but now it was getting warmer. The trees were starting to turn green. The birds sang louder. The air smelled fresh.

Geonhak went to Dongju every night for weeks, helping him sleep. Dongju looked better and he said he felt better, but it still wasn't perfect.

Geonhak knew it was time to change his plan a bit.

At the session with Wheein-noona, it was hard for him to focus on himself. Of course, that caught her attention.

"Dongju takes your thoughts."

"Of course he does. I care about him a lot."

"What about you?"

"I’m fine, now he needs more attention. I’m really fine, noona. I just want to help him. I want to do something that will let him live normally."

"His condition is stable now, but he still has a lot of work to do."

"I thought a lot about what I could do and... I know that he needs me. And I need him. I can't explain it and I know that it seems absurd to others. But I know how I feel."

"What do you mean?" she frowned and leaned back in her chair while Geonhak leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

He was looking at her.

"Once, when I was sitting in this room in the same position, I always looked at the carpet. Irritated, discouraged, full of regret. Now I look at you, noona and in my head I have only one thought. Dongju. It gives me strength to live, to move forward. I thought I was afraid my depression would come back, but that's not it." he shook his head. "It was anxiety, because the person I love with all my heart is in need."

"But what exactly do you want to do, Geonhak?"

"I know he needs me. He sleeps better with me."

"This is a very amateur theory..."

"No. It's not a theory. I want Dongju to sleep in my apartment."

"This is not possible. It is under constant observation."

"But not at night. He gets medicine and he sleeps, yes, but his sleep is not consistent. He used toys to silence the need for a hug, but it’s not enough. He needs _me_. I know this because…” he took a breath. “ Because I’ve been staying in his room for the night for several weeks."

Wheein blinked quickly and looked shocked.

Geonhak had to persevere. He knew he would have to fight now.

"What did you do? No, no... I don't want to believe what I just heard."

"But it is true."

"Do you have any idea how many rules you broke? And how big consequences can you get through it? In addition, you can put Dongju in trouble as well!"

"But he feels better today. No one has suffered."

"This is not the point! There are certain rules that must be followed, ah!" she got up and touched her forehead with her hand, walking around the room. Geonhak felt bad that upset her, but there was no turning back now.

"I will have to report it." she said. "You'll get a visit ban, you can even get a fine! Do you really want it?"

"No, I don't want it. Noona, just help us!"

"I can't! I don't run this hospital. I only work here, Geonhak. They can also kick me out because of you. Do you even think about others? About consequences? I also have other patients who I need to care for. I can't favor anyone."

"I’m not asking for favoritism! I’m only asking you to help me ask his doctor. If Dongju could sleep at my place and just spend the day in the hospital, as usual... it would help him. Surely you noticed his improvement, right? Did you notice?"

"Ah... yes, but..."

"Then noona, please, I'm begging you! He's fading and you know it. That's all I’m asking. I live close, so he will be able to come to medical examinations and medications regularly."

"I don't know ..." she sighed, still holding her head.

"Maybe at least I could have permission to spend the night here. You can confirm that I have a good influence on his health."

She sighed and shook her head. She was angry, he knew that. But he had to try.

“You are not a therapist, Geonhak. I’m a therapist and only I can tell if he is making progress or not.”

"Noona, please..."

She closed her eyes and took a few breaths.

"I will ask the head of the hospital and Dongju's doctor. But I don't promise anything."

"Thank you."

"But I will make a note, Geonhak. What you did was..." she stopped talking, pursing her lips. "We'll finish today."

“I understand. Thank you, noona.”

Geonhak got up, nodded and left, leaving her alone. She was furious and he felt terrible with all this.

But it was about something more important than temporary discomfort and strained relationships.

It was about someone who was very important to him.

* * *

Unfortunately, Wheein couldn’t continue his therapy. She suggested changing the therapist. At first he wanted to refuse, but he thought about it and he didn’t want to be seen as a rebellious person, unwilling to cooperate. He already knew that she saw him as irrational.

So he agreed and went to therapy regularly.

However, because he told Wheein about spending the night in the hospital, he had to be more cautious and only went to Dongju a few times a week.

However, he wanted to know if she had asked about this possibility.

Dongju didn’t know anything yet. He was sure that Geonhak had a lot of work and therefore couldn’t come that often, but they talked every day and Geonhak saw him slowly return to his former self. He was smiling more often, he was even malicious a bit, and that was a very good sign.

But Geohak must have known.

He was waiting for Wheein-noona outside her office. When she saw him, she sighed, but opened the door and let him enter.

He pursed his lips and waited.

"I know what you want to ask." she said. "I was at the head of the hospital."

"Yes?" he was tense. His body was like a rock. And he could barely breathe, he was so stressed.

"Dongju has been examined." she leaned her back on the desk and folded her arms over her chest. "I also asked my psychologist colleague for an additional opinion. And yes, Dongju showed improvement if we compare the results to those after regression. But they agreed that this is the effect of very long-term medical and psychological therapy. Your role in all this is negligible, Geonhak."

"Ah! But that's not true! You know it well, noona! Why do I have the impression that nobody wants to believe us... And I’m crazy or what?"

"Nobody thinks you're crazy. I'm just saying the facts. Besides..." she sighed. "Look. Dongju has the status of a resident patient. Which means that he lives here and the cost of his stay is included in the hospital costs. His family incurs almost no costs. If Dongju would spend every night in your apartment, he automatically loses the resident patient's satus. And the whole cost of treatment goes to his family, because Dongju is unable to take up any work. These are the realities, Geonhak, and I would like you to consider it. And what threatens your rational behavior."

"Ah..." he sighed and felt his heart beating fast. "What about letting me stay here?"

"You are not a family member."

"What am I supposed to do then?!" he felt irritated and powerless. "Maybe we should get married? Will I be recognized as a family member then?"

"Geonhak, stop! Just stop!” she raised her voice and made a gesture with her hand, as if she wanted to throw something at him. “Think for a moment what you are saying. I’m really trying to understand you, but your behavior is not rational. You broke into the hospital, lied to your therapist... You could cause trouble to other patients. I know that Keonhee helped you."

Geonhak sat on the small sofa, feeling his legs could no longer hold him.

"I really just want Dongju to be healthy." he buried his face in his hands. "I don't want to hurt anyone, I don't want to act irrationally. I just can't lose him. For the first time I can really say that I care about someone. And I can't stand that he is suffering. I still see this scene in my head, when he lies unconscious on the floor near the entrance to my apartment... He often cries in his sleep, speaks quietly about various things... "

"What things?" Wheein-noona sat down next to him.

"Something about how he finally found it. That he missed so much. And I have the same, but I'm more aware of it. Noona, if you ever find your soulmate, you'll know what it's like. I don't know what I have to do. It's a vicious circle."

"Geonhak... I really want to understand this and I see how much you care. I really do. But also I don't think his family would agree to that. Because the only option is to get Dongju out of the hospital. Then he could live with you, but it comes with costs, Dongju would have to find a job soon... Are you ready for such a cost? Think rationally..."

"I need to talk to his family. We've already met. We talked more than once when Dongju introduced me as his boyfriend. I need to know what they think about this. I won't give up. It's about Dongju."

Wheein sighed and shook her head.

"I can't do anything. But I'm asking you to try and think twice before you do something."

"I know what to do." he said calmly, because that was the truth. He knew his next step.

* * *

That was weird.

Talking to Dongju's parents seemed abstract to him, but when he saw both of them, both father and mother, he felt a bit better.

They shook hands, sat down in a small cafe, Geonhak accepted the gift and felt a bit embarrassed because this gift was given to him out of kindness, but they may soon stop being kind after what he planned to tell them...

"I'm so sorry I brought you here, but this is about Dongju." he started talking. He took a deep breath and grabbed a napkin to occupy his hands. "I think his therapy has no good results. All these drugs and hospital life... I don't think it helps him. I know that Dongju feels better with me and the same applies to me. We need each other. I thought I could take him to my apartment for the night, but it turns out to be impossible. I also can't officially stay in hospital overnight because I'm not a family member..."

"Not officially?" Dongju's mother smiled gently. "It’s fine. Keep talking."

Geonhak was a little surprised but continued.

"I think the best option for Dongju is to take him out of the hospital. I would like him to live with me. I have some savings, so I can afford to keep both of us. And when Dongju is ready, he will find some work. I will help him with everything, but I really want to have him with me. I really care about him and I want him to recover, but he needs love and certainty that he is not alone. He hates being alone. But I also respect your opinion, Mr. and Mrs. Son. So please, I would like to know what you think."

That was it. The words have been said. He could now only wait for their answer and, if necessary, use the arguments he had. There were not many and they were not very solid, but he will do what he can.

They both looked at each other and then at Geonhak. Mr. Son spoke first:

"Geonhak, we very much appreciate that you care about Dongju. In fact, we talked about it some time ago that since he met you, he has changed a lot."

"In a positive way, of course." Mrs. Son added.

"Yes. It's hard for us to believe that such a long-term treatment still didn’t help, and suddenly you appear and we can see the current progress. We know our son well. If Dongju agrees, and I think so he will, we don't see a problem to take him from the hospital. He's been living there for too long anyway." Mr. Son nodded.

"Really?" Geonhak felt his heart beat faster and faster.

"Yes."

"I will add that we have some savings too, so we will be able to support you for some time." Mrs. Son smiled. "We are very happy that Dongju has someone like you."

"I... I really don't know what to say." Geonhak was speechless. But finally everything starts to work out. "If I knew you thought that way, I'd talk to you sooner..."

"Everything in its time." Mr. Son said. "But I think Dongju should know about this now."

"Yes of course!" Geonhak stood up and bowed to them very low a few times, thanking them again and again.

Mrs. Son laughed and hugged him tightly. Mr. Son shook his hand.

It was the truth. Geonhak will take Dongju from the hospital.

"Geonhak." Mrs. Son spoke again before they left the cafe. She squeezed his hand. "I hope the next time you call us, you will share news about the proposal."

"Ah... I... Yes? Ah!" Geonhak laughed and felt his face turn red. "I would love to. Yes. Someday."

Mrs. Son nodded and they left the cafe.

Geonhak felt his heart skip a beat. But he didn't wait any longer. He went straight to the hospital.

He was a bit nervous, but he also felt excited. 

Dongju smiled at him and stretched his arms out to him. How cute he was. Geonhak couldn't resist.

He kissed him long and tender, wanting to taste his sweet lips.

"I didn't expect you to come today." Dongju said.

"Mh... I'm sorry I was so absent lately, but I had a lot of work."

"I know, that's okay, hyung. You're here now."

"That's not all, I have to tell you something. You may be shocked, but what can I do." Geonhak sighed.

"What is going on?"

"I talked to your parents."

"My parents?"

"Yes. No more living in the hospital, Dongju."

"What?"

"You heard right."

"But... I mean, are they taking me away?" fear appeared in his eyes. "But being here I’m closer to you! Why do they want to take me? They can't! I'm an adult and I can decide myself!"

Geonhak laughed.

"Ah, Dongju... Listen to me. It's not your parents who are taking you. I talked to them because I wanted to know what they thought about you living with me."

Dongju sat quietly for a moment. He looked at Geonhak with a strange expression. It was a bit amusing. He was really shocked but Geonhak loved this scene so much.

"You're kidding?"

"No."

"Living with you? But... forever, or what?"

"Well, forever. Your parents have agreed that you have lived here for too long and this treatment is mediocre. They believe, like me, that you will be better with me."

"Hyung..."

"Yes?"

"Hyung!" tears appeared in his eyes.

"Yes, I'm listening?"

"HYUNG!" Dongju embraced his neck and began to cry.

"No, don't cry. Dongju..." Geonhak laughed and held him tightly in his arms. "We'll finally be together." he smiled and hold him for a long time.

* * *

"How many toys do you have?" Keonhee was annoyed by putting another stuffed animal in the box.

"Uhm, these are not toys! And not so much." Dongju said a bit offended. "Besides, these are Disney classics. It's called a hobby, hyung. I’m making my collection."

Geonhak smiled to himself, closing the boxes that were already full and describing them.

"Good luck, Geonhak-hyung. I wonder where you can put all of thisl." Keonhee snorted.

"We'll find a place. Is that all I think?" he got up and looked around. "I'll start carrying them to the car."

The formalities turned out to be simpler than all these conversations, simpler than entering the hospital through the window.

Geonhak didn't feel it was true until they took the last box into his apartment and began to unpack it.

Keonhee has been helping him for the last few days because he had to get rid of many old clothes and things he no longer needed. Thanks to that, there was a lot of room for Dongju now.

"I will repay you somehow, Keonhee." said Geonhak.

"Promise me that you will not forget me when you are hidden in this nest."

"Impossible to forget about you. Don't say that. We have a lot of work, remember?"

"Yes, yes. See you on Friday. I will eat more than you."

"We will see!"

They were alone. Geonhak came to Dongju with a smile and embraced him from behind, resting a chin on his shoulder. They watched the sun set through the window.

"Hyung, will I really live here now?"

"Yes." he whispered, kissing his neck. "But you are still under the care of a therapist and doctor. You must also remember about vitamins and nutrition."

Geonhak saw Dongju roll his eyes in the reflection of the window. He turned him around and embraced his face, kissing him for a long time.

"Finally you are mine." he whispered.

"Not completely." Dongju responded.

"Mh..."

And then as if everything ceased to matter. It's like something breaks in them. They threw their clothes without looking. Dongju was very thin, but he had a really beautiful body, and Geonhak sighed wistfully when he saw him lying on the bed. He suddenly felt a sentiment. As if he had regained something he had long lost.

"You're so beautiful."

"Am I?" Dongju smiled. "You like me?"

"Very much."

"Kiss me." whisper.

He didn't want to stop kissing or touching him. He loved him so much, it grew so much that he could hardly resist.

He wanted to kiss every part of his body, caressing him tenderly and gently, revealing points to which Dongju was sensitive. His skin was soft and warm and smelled sweet. He kissed his neck, circled his nipples with a tongue, and slid down into his stomach. Geonhak kissed his navel and thighs.

Dongju moaned loudly.

Geonhak looked at him with fire in his eyes as he kissed his knee. He saw how Dongju responded to his every touch.

He reached into the drawer, taking out lube and wanting to prepare him.

Dongju breathed quickly and heavily.

"Are you okay?" Geonhak asked, slightly worried.

"Yes... I just want it so badly. I can't take it anymore."

Geonhak smiled and kissed his lips passionately.

"Just tell me if something goes wrong."

"Mh."

He made sure that it happened as it should. And when they were finally together, everything started spinning around.

"Hyung... hyung!" Dongju spoke hurriedly, holding his arms tightly.

Geonhak couldn't control himself at the moment. He looked at Dongju with hazy eyes, moving his hips quickly, feeling this indescribable pleasure.

Dongju came very quickly, but begged not to stop. So Geonhak continued, wanting to give him as much of this sweet pleasure as possible.

Kiss, touch, sweat, breath... It was all so natural. Not new at all.

Geonhak was close to madness as Dongju kneeled before him, still asking for more. It was all like a weird deja vu. He held his tiny hips in his hands and looked at his slightly pink skin and sweat droplets forming along the spine.

He couldn't anymore. He felt his stomach tighten, his body trembling until he came, filling Dongju with warm cum.

He fell back, breathing heavily. Dongju put a head on his chest and buried a nose in his neck.

They lay there for a long time, just being close. In silence.

Geonhak felt happiness. He stroked Dongju's delicate arm with his finger, smelled his hair and felt the warmth of his body.

That was all he needed. Now he knew it fully. Now Dongju really was his. Forever.

"Hyung?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

Geonhak looked at him. His eyes were so tired, but there were blushes on his cheeks.

"I love you too, Dongju. Are you okay?"

"Yes." he replied lazily, with a feisty smile. "I feel very well. Do you know it was my first time?"

"Oh. I had no idea..."

"Mh. But I didn't feel like doing it for the first time. The thing is, when I'm with you, nothing is new... It's like it's always been like that. One big deja vu. A few months ago we didn't know each other at all."

"I don’t want to think about it." Geonhak shifted a little to have a more comfortable position. Dongju settled at his side, embracing him with a leg. Geonhak stroked his thigh.

"Dark times." Dongju sighed and closed his eyes. "But that's the past now."

"That's true. I will never let you go again." Geonhak kissed his head.

"I wouldn't let you throw me away."

Dongju was asleep a few minutes later.

His face was calm and ruddy. He looked so beautiful that Geonhak was ready to look at him all night. But it was a long day. He reached carefully into the bedside lamp and switched it off.

He knew that both of them would sleep very well tonight.

In the morning Geonhak decided to make breakfast for both of them. Dongju was sleeping, so he tried to do everything quietly to not wake him up.

He was comfortable with cooking anything, so he thought he would make pancakes, and he also prepared an omelette with vegetables. It wasn’t difficult but there was no need for fancy breakfast. Or maybe for Dongju he should make it fancy.

Soon, sleepy Dongju appeared in the kitchen.

"Oh, hey." Geonhak smiled.

"Hi." Dongju was only wearing Geonhak's t-shirt and he looked very encouraging. Especially with those messy hair.

Dongju came closer and put arms around his waist.

“What time is it?”

“It's almost 8am. You've been sleeping for a long time. I'm impressed.”

"Really? And when I fell asleep?

"It was a little past midnight when you stopped responding to what I was saying to you."

"Wow. Almost eight hours? My record. And you really thought I'd stay awake after what you did to me? It was a shock to my delicate body."

"Well, you asked for it."

"I know, I know. What are you doing? It smells nice..."

"Pancakes, omelette... depends what you like."

"I want you if it's also on the menu."

Geonhak snorted, but Dongju looked at him in a different way. With slightly closed eyes and slightly pouty lips.

"Dongju..."

"When I woke up, you were gone. I'm sad. You have to make it up to me."

"Oh."

"I'm serious, hyung..." Dongju pouted.

"God, stop it. I have absolutely no strength to resist you. And we have to have breakfast, I have to take a shower and I have to go to work."

"Ah, and then unpleasant reality comes."

Geonhak laughed as Dongju moved away and sat in a chair at the table.

"Don't worry. In the evening I will try to make it up to you as much as I can..." he kissed him lightly, and put a plate with food in front of him.

If their everyday life was to be this way, Geonhak could now recognize that his life was fulfilled and would not ask for anything more.

He was happy that he could finally live the life he always wanted. It was like a dream he didn't even dream about. All those years when he lived in the gray world disappeared from his memory. Everything gained colors, like the world during spring. It was spring for them, because they were starting something new, and yet... they both felt that they knew it so well.

Where did they get this deja vu from? Hard to say. Geonhak didn't feel the need to talk about it.

His therapy ended fairly quickly, because after a month of living with Dongju he didn’t even remember what sadness, depression were... Everyone was surprised and skeptical.

Was he born that way, does he mean he had no chance of being healthy? Why did others look for a reason to convince him that this was not true?

He didn't understand it. Maybe it was enough for him that he met the love of his life? Maybe Dongju was the missing element that filled the void? They couldn't accept it?

So he said that he no longer felt the need to use meetings with a therapist, and his therapist agreed because there was nothing to talk about.

Geonhak became strong and confident, though he was still a bit shy when someone praised him for something.

And then there was Keonhee. His brother lost in time and space. Working with him and seeing his progress he felt immense pride. Watching Keonhee eat without any worries, how much he enjoys it finally... it was something worth fighting for.

He even wanted to open a small breakfast cafe. Which was a great idea.

And when summer came, all three of them were in the harmony they had been looking for so long.

The missing elements are finally found.

And the nightmare that Geonhak dreamed for so many years appeared one last time. Only this time he could finally see a mysterious figure in this mirror. And it was Dongju. He was smiling and reaching out. When Geonhak touched the glass, it cracked and their hands joined. The fire was gone and they were smiling at each other.

Reunited.

And when he woke up in the morning, he had no doubts.

He was completely and irreversibly healed.

* * *

* * *

[Summer, one year later]

Dongju sat on the bench and drank bubbletea slowly. It was very warm, but several clouds were moving in the sky, which gave a pleasant shade. He was looking toward the gym door where Geonhak-hyung was working.

His photo was on a poster advertising this place. Dongju laughed a little at this. He liked to tease his boyfriend. Once, he even asked for a copy of a poster from one of Geonhak's colleagues. He got it without a problem and the poster was hanging in their bedroom now.

But Dongju really was very proud. Geonhak-hyung was helping others and it was great. And most importantly, it gave him joy. Dongju wanted him to be happy.

And that day was exactly a year since they lived together. A year of living together that would be a path full of trials and errors for others. For them it was like a back to normal. To something they had long ago, but for some reason they lost it.

Dongju also remembered his first time perfectly. He should’ve been nervous, but instead he was waiting impatiently. Geonhak-hyung's body was something he wasn't prepared for, and the sight of him made Dongju very excited.

He was very well built. He had a perfectly carved and strong body. Dongju loved to touch him and feel his muscles under his fingers.

The advantage of dating a personal trainer.

For him Geonhak-hyung was an absolute authority, and although sometimes he knew perfectly well that he was very mean to him, at the end of the day he would give everything to him.

Their evenings, nights and mornings. Everything was so organized, natural. Dongju loved the life he had now. And his health? He no longer went to the therapist. He thanked Wheein-noona for everything before the end of the previous year. Since he lived with Geonhak-hyung, he slept very well, ate healthily, was active, read a lot and learned new things. He was even looking for something to do.

So his hyung was right after all.

And from what he knew, no one believed in their miraculous recovery. Geonhak-hyung told him about it and Dongju had the same. They couldn't believe it. They looked for problems where they weren’t there.

It irritated him and he decided that he wanted to end this therapy.

He felt that he didn't need it anymore. He now had someone who filled the void, who gave him security and love, and that was all he needed.

Dongju sometimes couldn't understand how much he loved his hyung. How much does this person mean to him. He couldn't stop feeling this trembling, tickling, as if a bunch of butterflies were to fly from inside.

Of course, there were days when they were angry with each other. Sometimes they would argue for several days. Usually for something so stupid that they eventually sat down at the table together and laughed at it. They talked a lot. They understood each other.

Geonhak was his soul mate and he was undeniably in love with him.

Only once Dongju spent hours with Keonhee, not wanting to talk to Geonhak. It was their only big fight where a lot of stupid words were said and now Dongju didn't even remember that.

Usually Keonhee was the one who put out any fire. If it appeared.

Their best friend. Their brother It’s possible that he was the greatest hero of them all, because he became strong and confident, but also fought a problem that could cost him his life. Dongju remembered the first time he saw him. He looked like someone standing above a grave.

And now he was loud and full of life. He was still very thin, but being under Geonhak's eye he managed to strengthen his figure.

And that day was two months since he left the hospital. He had his own apartment and wanted to open a breakfast cafe.

Still, it was easy to scare him off. Some things never change.

Dongju liked the world he was in. He liked his life. He liked the singing of birds, the wind on his face, he liked to eat, he liked to watch TV, he liked sex. That last one was his great weakness, but he didn’t hide it at all.

He had one of their conversations in his head...

"Hyung, when will you be at home?" he asked on the phone in a sad voice.

"Ah, Dongju... I have another client. I should be there in about two hours. Did something happen?"

"Yes!" Dongju sighed. "I miss you. I need you..." he murmured.

"Dongju, we did it this morning!" Geonhak laughed lightly.

"So what? I like sex. Can we do sex all the time?" he complained.

Geonhak-hyung laughed at the phone like crazy. And although Dongju was telling the truth, he let hyung think it was a joke. Because that laugh was too precious to silence it.

It was their life. Boring everyday life they loved so much. When they could sit down and do nothing, it was the best day. Some asked how they do it. Dongju didn’t understand what they meant. Did they need to date all the time? Go to other places together? Show up? No. It was enough for them that they were finally together, healthy. Waking up every day and looking into each other's eyes was what they wanted.

And they had so much time to enjoy ordinary things.

Although Dongju liked to show off a bit. He was very proud and wanted everyone to see how wonderful his boyfriend is. His sns were full of their photographs together. He had to admit he was a little addicted to it.

Dongju also knew that sometimes he was too intrusive. Geonhak-hyung had several bite marks because sometimes Dongju simply couldn't control himself. He felt very bad about it, but his hyung didn't seem to care too much about it.

Their simple ordinary life. For others boring, for them it was all they wanted.

It was hard to explain.

But it wasn't new that they were unusual. They were from a completely different world and they liked it very much.

"Hey Dongju!" he heard and looked sideways.

"Keonhee-hyung, hello."

He came over and looked at the door, then sat down next to him.

"He is still there? What so long?"

"He has a new client. He is very popular now, so it's not surprising."

"Hmm..."

"You should be happy because he trains with you for free." Dongju took a sip of his bubble tea and pouted seeing that he didn't have much left. Maybe hyung will buy him another? If he will ask him nicely.

"I never complained." Keonhee grunted. "Besides, we have a deal that when I start earning better money, hopefully, I will pay him back. He stayed after hours for me. I can't leave it like this."

"He likes it. He did it because you are his friend. Wait for the day when he refuses you this money." Dongju snorted.

"But we have a deal..."

"Mhm, I also had a deal with him. He was supposed to stop me when I wanted to buy something stupid. And then he came home exactly with that thing. When I was surprised, he said the deal said I wouldn't buy it. Not him. So analyze your contract carefully, because it probably looks similar."

"Oh... AH! That hyung!"

Dongju laughed and then the door opened. Geonhak-hyung went outside.

"I'm sorry you waited." he smiled.

Dongju stood up and tilted his head waiting. Geonhak walked to him, grabbed his hand and kissed him several times.

How could he be so handsome? Dongju sometimes couldn't understand it. The level of attractiveness was so high that Dongju stopped paying attention to other people.

In addition, Geonhak-hyung looked exceptionally good today. Plain white t-shirt, dark jeans and glasses. Glasses he finally started to wear! Dongju struggled for him to see an ophthalmologist when he noticed that he could hardly see anything on the TV and narrowed his eyes.

And now he looked so good. Dongju was very proud of himself.

"We don't wait so long." Dongju said with a smile, folding his fingers with hyung's.

"Keonhee, ready?" Geonhak looked at his friend.

"I don't know. I'm nervous."

"Why? We're going to see this place and you will decide if it suits you. You don't go to audition to be nervous."

"Yes, but it all becomes so real. Because it's possible that this is the perfect place. It’s in a very good place, the price is also good. I will definitely have to do renovation."

"Hey, don't worry." Geonhak-hyung patted his shoulder. "We will help you."

Keonhee-hyung smiled.

"I know."

Dongju took a last sip.

"Oh no. My bubble tea is over." he pouted.

"Let's buy another one." Geonhak-hyung said.

This place they saw was a place Keonhee loved at first sight. In the back was a very small garden that needed renovation, like the whole place, but that was what he wanted. Dongju and Geonhak saw the stars in his eyes as he watched each room and he told where the kitchen would be, how he would arrange the tables. Where will the bar stand with coffee containers, small food display for cakes and other desserts... He already knew all this.

So a few days later he got the keys. And he was officially the owner.

They started renovation together. Dongju had to admit that he liked to do it. Paint the walls and then decorate, set tables, arrange small colorful pillows in the windows, where you could also sit.

It was so cozy here that Dongju liked to be here. Geonhak-hyung joined them when he finished his work and helped them with harder work. This wasn’t a mystery that he was the strongest of them all.

So he took care about the kitchen, where the most work had to be done.

"Do you already know who you will hire as a chef?" Dongju asked.

"Chef? No, no. I will cook."

"You?!"

"Why not? Maybe I had a problem with food, but I liked to read about food. I know a lot of recipes by heart. Besides, I will feel more confident in the kitchen than behind the counter."

"I don't know if it's such a good idea, hyung. Once you invited us to dinner and ate everything straight from the pan and there was almost nothing left for us."

"Hey! It was only once and I just like bacon!"

Dongju laughed, and Geonhak-hyung also laughed in the kitchen.

"This is not funny!" Keonhee was irritated.

"It's a bit! Imagine that people come here to eat, but it turns out that there is nothing, because the owner ate everything himself."

"Hey! No! Stop!"

They laughed at it all day, teasing Keonhee-hyung. But in the end they assured him that they loved him and knew that he would be fine. They believed in him with all their might.

"By the way, Dongju?"

"Yes?"

"I don't have anyone to be behind the counter. You wouldn't want to work with me? I mean, think about it though. You would have to make coffee and serve customers. I don't know if you would feel comfortable with it..."

"Hyung, are you kidding me? Of course I would like to work with you. I will learn how to make coffee, no problem!"

"Really? But you don't want to think about it?"

"No. Work and support a friend? The perfect solution. In addition, I will be the advantage of this place. Apart from your food. And if you eat everything and your customers will be angry, I will make their anger pass."

"Stop kidding me, Dongju! Do you really think you will be an advantage of this place? Sometimes you are like a little gnome..."

Geonhak-hyung laughed again.

"Gnome?! Yah, hyung!"

Keonhee started running, and Dongju ran after him, leaving Geonhak laughing behind.

Three of them.

Living their simple life, which they regained after a long fight. They waited and finally could enjoy it.

And now they had it all.

The breakfast cafe was a success. It was a place where many people went to work and bought breakfast, coffee or a light lunch on their way.

Dongju was a small star here because he was very polite, cute and charming and people liked him. So he was right, but fortunately he was wrong about the missing food. Keonhee has not eaten anything. Yet.

Dongju was also glad that his hyung's workplace was nearby and he also was stepping by when he had a break, or waited for Dongju to finish work and then they could go home together.

Waking up in the morning in a comfortable, soft bed next to someone he loved was the biggest reward, and Dongju knew it was worth the wait to have what he had now.

That night he had a dream about ice.

When he opened his eyes, he saw Geonhak-hyung still lying with his eyes closed, but he was scratching his nose, so he didn’t sleep anymore as well. Dongju leaned over and kissed his neck.

"Good morning." he whispered. He liked the smell of his hyung so much.

"Morning." Geonhak-hyung was still a little sleepy, but he put his arms around Dongju.

"I have to get up. It's almost 6am."

"Who would have thought you would be such a morning person."

"I don't like getting up so early, but I like my job. How lucky we are, hyung."

"I won’t think about it. I take what they give me." he laughed.

"Good point. Hyung... I had a dream about that ice lake again." he said softly.

Geonhak-hyung opened his eyes slowly and looked at him.

"And?"

"This time it was different. I wasn't afraid. I waited under the ice, holding my breath. I wasn't even so cold. Finally the ice got thinner and then I saw your face. We smiled and you pulled me out of the water. Everywhere was full of sun. You saved me, hyung. You saved me in so many ways. You gave me safety and protection. You gave me honest love. I don't know if I will ever be able to repay you."

"Dongju... You don't have to repay me. You appeared in my life, that's good enough." he kissed him gently and Dongju smiled lazily. “You are everything that I need.”

"I didn't tell you, but some time ago I deleted this stupid dating app. But I managed to save our messages. I have a fondness for them."

"Really? I deleted it too. Long time ago."

"Mh, really not important, but now I remembered it."

"But I'm glad you kept our messages. Will we read tonight?"

"I would love to."

"Nice… Okay, you want some breakfast?"

"Will you make your pancakes?"

"If you want to."

"Please." he pouted.

Geonhak-hyung laughed.

"You don't have to try this trick on me. I'll do anything for you anyway." he kissed him long. Dongju didn’t want to stop, but they had to start this day finally.

Geonhak-hyung sat down and put on his shorts as he walked to the door. Dongju sat down and rubbed his face, looking for some clothes. They tended to take off their clothes wildly as they went to bed, and then finding socks was a challenge. Dongju was always wearing something that belonged to his hyung anyway.

Boyfriend privilege.

"Dongju?"

"Mh?" he grunted as he dressed Geonhak-hyung’s shirt and adjusted his messy hair. Hyung looked at him with some strange expression. Very tender and warm.

"I think I need to call your parents."

"To my parents? Why?"

"Last year, your mother said that next time I would like to invite them, it's just to give them the news of the engagement."

"What?"

"I think I want to marry you, Dongju."

He sighed and sat on the bed in complete shock. He had to think for a moment if he had heard right. Geonhak-hyung smiled and left the room.

"Yah! Hyung! Don't leave me like this!"

Their simple everyday life. In a small apartment, close to the park. It was summer, their nightmares were gone and their souls finally felt fulfilled, waiting for each day with joy.


	2. In Its Time: Epilogue

* * *

* * *

The room was filled with the sound of kisses. In the dark, the senses grew more acute. Especially the touch. That's why Dongju liked it. But even in the darkened room, he could see the outline of Geonhak's face. The light was blue as it passed through their bedroom curtains straight from the street.

He was smiling and Dongju slid his fingers into his hair. His heart was still beating fast, and his body continued to shudder with ecstasy. Every little movement made his stomach clench.

His hyung kissed him again and reached for a handkerchief, wiping his belly. It was always a bit embarrassing, but the embarrassment lasted very shortly, because then he lay in the arms of the love of his life, going through an internal crisis. Because even after this time together, he still couldn't believe it.

Some time ago he was stuck in a hospital room, convinced that he would spend his whole life there. And now he was sure he would spend the rest of his life with Geonhak. The amount of love he had for him couldn’t be described. It was something that comes from the bottom of the soul. And Dongju knew it was mutual.

But even if the feeling was real, and he was sure of it, there were still some thoughts in his head that were haunting him. He wondered if he was good enough. Because maybe he is taking this relationship too matter-of-factly? Materialistically? Geonhak was very generous and gave Dongju whatever he wanted. Sometimes Dongju felt guilty when he saw another new thing. Of course he also worked and paid the bills together, but nonetheless his hyung pampered him to the limit. Almost out of control.

And this aroused ever deeper remorse in Dongju.

Plus, they were spending so much time in bed that it started to freak him out. Yes, he liked it. And mostly he was the culprit. But isn't that too much at this point? Was he addicted?

He was lying on his side, feeling his body was fulfilled and relaxed. The gentle kisses on the neck were pleasant. Geonhak moved his lips over his skin, gently and tenderly. His strong arms around him. How could someone so perfect belong to him? Dongju seemed so small next to his hyung. Yet Geonhak could see nothing but Dongju.

"I love you." a whisper in the dark. Dongju was eager to cry. He pursed his lips and needed a second. He turned to see the outline of his face in the pale light.

"I love you too, hyung. The most in the world." Dongju smiled and felt kisses on his cheek and neck. Geonhak grunted.

"Then let's change your plans, huh?"

"Mhh hyung, I can't!"

"But why for two long weeks?"

Dongju sighed. They had talked about it so many times, but hyung still seemed to refuse to accept any argument.

"I already told you hyung. Because that's a test for me."

"It's silly."

"Not for me. I have to get my head together. I want to make sure that what I feel is fair to you."

"I think you are over-thinking about it." Geonhak grunted. Dongju imagined his expression.

"I don't want our relationship to be just physical."

"It's not."

"How can it not?! We have sex every day, sometimes even several times a day! What if I'm addicted?!"

Geonhak laughed loudly but softly.

"I think it's good if two people have a strong sexual attraction to each other. That's fine for me..." he purred and his voice lowered even more. Geonhak ran his hand down on Dongju's belly. He groaned.

"No, no! Hyung, stop. Please. I need it. Please, understand. I’m afraid that this flame will burn out too soon.”

"You want to go to bed with your boyfriend. That’s all."

"No!" Dongju pursed his lips.

"You pout your lips, right?"

"No."

"I know you do."

"Hyung, the point is, I know it's nothing wrong. It's just something I have to convince myself of. Please understand."

"I understand. But maybe you should talk to the therapist? Instead of parting for two weeks right before the wedding."

Geonhak was not pleased, and that was very obvious.

"I know, but think for yourself, hyung. We're basically inseparable from when we moved in together. Except when you had three days training in another city. I just want to make sure I can think straight. Therapist? I could, but I know what she will tell me. She thinks it's a decision too hasty anyway, since you're my first and only partner. She doesn't understand that we _need_ to be together. That this need comes from absolute certainty. So no, I'm not gonna talk to her. I know that I can handle it myself. Besides, I promised my parents that I would spend time with them. They couldn't visit me at the hospital as often as they wanted to. I don't want to be selfish, and I feel a little like that.”

Geonhak sighed and stroked his cheek.

"You're not selfish. But if that is to calm you down, fine. But I will miss you so much."

"I know. Same. It'll probably be agony. But I'll take the Peanut with me."

"I hope so. It's your dog after all."

Dongju smiled. The puppy was a surprise. Geonhak knew Dongju was afraid of big dogs, even if he quietly wished to have one. So Geonhak gave him a puppy on his last birthday. A tiny white Maltese. It was the sweetest dog Dongju had ever seen. The name came to him without thinking.

Peanut.

Perfect.

He was the constant companion of Dongju wherever he went. The Peanut had its place in Keonhee's Coffee Shop, and he always slept there nicely, waiting for Dongju to be ready to play with him or to lead him outside.

Dongju loved Peanut.

In fact, Dongju loved his life from the moment Geonhak was a part of it.

But as the marriage proposal became official and the wedding date had been set, he began to experience those anxious thoughts. What if he's not good enough? What if this feeling is based only on physical aspects? Dongju wanted to be better than that.

His hyung deserved it.

When Dongju looked at him, he saw the perfect type. Tall, strong, well built. Mild, kind, generous, sexy, a full meal! He got nervous quickly, but never at Dongju. Even so, it took fractions of a second, because he himself admitted that Dongju is both his strength and his weakness.

Dongju tried to match him somehow. He even tried to exercise because his body was bland. But Dongju wasn’t designed to exercise and be strong at all.

He was weak.

"You're not weak." his hyung spoke when Dongju announced that he was quitting training. "You don't have to look like a bulldozer. Besides, I really like your body. Is there little evidence of this every night?" he laughed then. They both laughed and had a very nice evening, but that was what bothered Dongju.

They spent a lot of time in bed.

Sex was wonderful. Best activity ever. He loved it and would be lying if he said he can live without it. This separation was to convince him that he was still quite good. Not only for his hyung, but also for himself. And it was a good opportunity to just be with his parents. They had sacrificed so much for him, and he had almost forgotten they existed. It was selfish. Dongju felt terrible about it all, and that's why he made this decision and no other.

Therefore, in the morning, after breakfast, he was supposed to take the train and leave for his hometown. Keonhee had to hire an extra person to replace him. It also made him feel guilty, but Keonhee threw a bowl at him as they talked about it, and Dongju expressed his concern. Keonhee-hyung didn't spare him a bit. He was always honest, even when it was painful. But usually Keonhee was his best friend who always had a kind word for him. He was always there. And that was a lot of comfort.

The morning was harder than he had expected.

He woke up first and looked for a moment at his hyung, who was still asleep, almost completely exposed. Dongju smiled and leaned in, kissing his lips gently.

"It's time, hyung."

"Mh. One more moment." he whispered and hugged Dongju, closing him in an iron embrace.

"Hyung, it's 7am. My train leaves at 8:30 am..."

"Why don't you change your mind? We'll go to your parents together next week..."

Dongju sighed. That was the first version. But that wouldn't work. Not for him. Too many temptations, less time to focus.

But it would be so nice. Have him next to him. Maybe if they were very quiet at night...

"No!" Dongju slipped out of his embrace and got out of bed, though every cell in his body expressed protest. He put on what he had prepared for the day before and left the bedroom.

A Peanut ran up to him, wagging his tail and greeting him happily.

"Hi little one. Are you hungry? Yes?" the puppy barked softly. "Sure you're hungry. Come on, come on. You'll get some food."

While the Peanut was eating, Dongju used the bathroom and was basically ready to leave. And then his hyung stood at the kitchen door where Dongju was eating breakfast. Geonhak wore only boxer shorts.

"It's not fair." Dongju grunted.

"What?"

"You, standing here like this."

"I just got out of bed." hyung laughed. "I guess there's nothing here that you haven't seen before."

"Mh."

"Dongju... You can always change your mind." he came closer.

"Why are you tempting me like this? I won't change my mind! Your behavior only convinces me more that I have to leave."

"Good. I was just checking to see if you were still so adamant."

Dongju looked at him in disbelief. Geonhak chuckled as he took one of his sandwiches.

"Yach! Hyung! How can you do this to me?! I take it very seriously!" Dongju hit his shoulder with his fist, but Geonhak continued to laugh.

This is what it was like.

The train was due to depart in a few minutes. Dongju found his wagon and looked at his hyung. They stared at each other for a long moment in silence.

"Let me know when you get there." Geonhak said.

"Of course."

"And I'll be calling you everyday."

"Of course you will. And please no flirting. With _anyone_."

"Flir… What? I don't flirt. You know I can't."

"You don't, but others do. And you are a good soul, so..."

Geonhak rolled his eyes.

"I’m interested in nobody but you, Dongju. Don't worry." hyung approached and kissed him for a long time. Until the train whistled, letting passengers know that it would be leaving soon.

"I have to go." Dongju whispered. He didn't want to go at all. He wanted to go home, order food and buy tons of nasty snacks and watch stupid shows until late night, cuddling up to his boyfriend.

Well, fiance.

But he went, got on the train and, taking his seat, watched out the window as Geonhak was soon out of sight as the vehicle started moving.

His heart ached and he had never felt so torn as he is now. He opened the bag and pressed his face into a sleepy Peanut.

It will be two long weeks.

Dongju was on the train for a few minutes when he began to feel sad. It seemed unnatural for him to part ways. But Dongju had not been able to get his thoughts in order for several weeks, and he had to distance himself from it. And he couldn't do it when Geonhak was close to him. When they were close to each other, Dongju lost his sense of reality. It is as if he was living in an eternal dream.

He watched the passing landscape and tried to clear his mind. The dull sound and hum of the train began to bore him. His eyelids grew heavier and heavier, he felt a tingling sensation, so he closed his eyes and fell asleep in a split second.

He still heard the hum of the train, but began to see strange things. The dream was mixed with reality. The long dark corridor along which he was walking. There wasn’t much light. Gray, hazy. At the very end he saw a door slightly ajar. And there was much more light there.

There was a room. It looked like it was from the old days. An old, traditional house. A figure sat on silk cushions in front of the mirror, brushing long dark hair.

In the reflection of the mirror, Dongju saw his face.

 _I was waiting_. it was his own voice. But he didn’t speak at all.

Dongju flinched and his knee hit the table that was spread out in front of him. Peanut was still asleep on his lap. For a moment, Dongju didn't know what happened or where he was. He was still lethargic and wanted to go back to sleep.

He looked at the phone. It's been almost one hour since he left. And he already had three messages.

One was from his mother. They will wait for him at the station. One was from Keonhee-hyung. He wished him a nice trip but called him an idiot in the process. But he also expressed the hope that he would find an answer to his anguish.

Dongju also hoped for it.

The last one was from Geonhak. It was his picture signed _"I miss you already"_.

Dongju felt almost physical pain. He wanted to feel his arms around himself and hear his voice. Even the air felt unbreathable.

Therefore, Dongju had to distance himself. He didn't want what they had in common to turn into something unhealthy. Geonhak-hyung didn’t see it. For him everything was all right, but not for Dongju. Something was bothering him, and he had to find out what it was.

The train finally stopped at the station. Dongju's parents were waiting on the platform. It was so good to see them. The anxiety faded as his mom hugged him tightly.

"Ah, finally my baby. We were looking forward to you." his mother's voice was warm and soothing. Dongju suddenly became so emotional. He hadn't seen them for too long.

"You only have one bag?" dad asked.

"Yes. I didn't take much. And there's Peanut."

"Oh!" mom let out a delighted sigh. "Finally. Peanut! I've had enough of his photos and films. Finally I can meet him in person. But let's go. Are you hungry?"

"Very." Dongju smiled.

It will be two long weeks, but it won't be too bad.

It was nice to be home with parents. They had lunch together and talked until late at night while having dinner. Dongju fell asleep very quickly that day, feeling tired.

In his dream, he saw the same corridor and the room at the end. The figure was no longer sitting in front of the mirror, but was staring out the window. Snow was falling outside very slowly.

 _You left him._ The figure spoke up. His face was hidden in the shadows, but Dongju was sure it was his own voice.

"I didn't leave anyone." he said

_You did it. I waited so long to finally have him._

Dongju shook his head.

"I didn't leave him. We're getting married."

The figure sighed and Dongju opened his eyes. Peanut woke up too and started licking his face, making him laugh.

"Stop it, stop it..." he sat up and sighed, rubbing his sleepy eyes. He remembered having a very strange dream, but he didn't quite know what had happened. He just felt some regret. And longing.

Dongju grabbed the phone and sent a message to his hyung.

_Good morning. I miss you :(_

_08:13_

A minute later he saw an incoming call.

 **_CHICK_ ** _is calling._

He smiled.

_"Hi."_

"Hey... hyung..." Dongju sighed.

_"Do you want to come back?"_

"Yes. But no, I won’t! Parents would be sad."

_"You can take them with you."_

"No. We have trips planned. Dad is on a special vacation for next week. We are going to do kimchi with mum and watch dramas... It just feels so strange without you."

_"We've been inseparable for a very long time. That's probably why. Did you sleep well?"_

"Like a stone!"

_"Good. I was a little worried that you would not be able to sleep... I was even waiting for a call."_

"God, I hope not all night?"

 _"No, no."_ Geonhak laughed. _"Don't worry. Are you going to have breakfast?"_

"Yes."

_"Good. Eat and have fun. But take care of yourself, okay?"_

"Yes. Take care of yourself too. I want to see you at the altar in two weeks."

_"Don't worry. I'll be there. I'll call you tonight, okay?"_

"Mh."

_"Until then. I love you."_

"I love you too."

It was so strange and difficult. He shook his head and got out of bed, taking Peanut under his arm. In his slightly oversized Disney pajamas, he came downstairs and felt that breakfast must be ready by now.

His mother smiled happily seeing him.

Peanut went outside and Dongju sat down at the table, eating eagerly. Dad joined them and they ate together as if nothing had happened. As if Dongju has never been in the hospital.

And when dad went to work, Dongju dressed in something more comfortable and went back to the kitchen to help mom prepare kimchi.

They listened to the radio and sometimes even hummed together.

It was perfect.

So why did Dongju feel like he had a thorn in his heart?

"You look healthy." mom said. "I'm happy."

"Yes, I am healthy."

Dongju said it without any enthusiasm, mixing the cabbage with the spices.

"Okay, I see something is going on. You can tell me. Do you have any doubts?"

"What? No! I can't wait. I want to marry him, I want to grow old with him..."

"So what's going on? Because he's good for you, right?"

Dongju sighed.

"Yes of course."

"So is it... something wrong in the bedroom?"

Dongju felt the blood rush to his cheeks. He turned red and his heart was pumping.

"It's not... I... Mom, I'm not gonna tell you such things."

"Oh, then talk to your father when he gets back." she sighed a bit embarrassed but clearly disconsolate.

"It's not about the bedroom. Well, not really. It's more about me. That's what I'm afraid of. That I'll turn into someone who will hurt him." Dongju sniffed and blinked back tears.

"Ah, Dongju. My sweet boy."

"It's because of the spices."

"Ah, yes." mom smiled gently. "Whatever is bothering you and if it's not the bedroom issues, maybe you're just nervous?"

"Two weeks before the wedding? Then what will happen on our wedding day, mom?!"

"Don't worry. I stayed awake all week. I was very stressed even though I was in a relationship with your dad for a long time. You were already in my belly when we got married. I felt pressure from my family. I don't want you to feel the same way. So if I can help somehow, please tell me."

Dongju sighed.

"I'd like to, but I don't even know where to start. I guess I have to figure it out myself."

"How about Geonhak coming next week? We could spend family time together."

"Uhm, there was such a plan too, but I had to separate myself. I have to distance myself because I'm not able to see anything when he's next to me. Besides, I just wanted to spend time with you two." he smiled.

"Ah, okay. Let's go back to kimchi then, hm?"

Dongju nodded.

_It will be okay._

But the dreams haunted him.

All week, Dongju visited the same room, the same figure. This boy kept saying that he had waited so long, that Dongju did wrong, that he had to go back.

He was tired of it. Was his subconscious tormenting him so much? Maybe he should have met the therapist and talked about it?

He couldn't make up his mind. He felt that if he called Wheein-noona, she would admit that they were in too much of a hurry with the relationship.

But she was a therapist, could she really judge? She never judged him. Rather, she showed him different scenarios and points of view. She helped him and many others, so he had to shake the picture out of his mind that she was against him.

And as he and his parents sat together on Sunday watching the show on TV, Dongju sighed as he made up his mind.

"I have to call the therapist." he said. The parents looked at him, and his dad muted the TV so they could give him full attention. "I want this wedding so much, but I have too many doubts about myself. I feel like I will become someone who will hurt Geonhak-hyung. And I can't stand it."

"If you feel pressured about it, you should call her, Dongju." dad said straight.

"Yes." mom agreed. "You will feel better. You have a good heart, Dongju. It's normal to be afraid of something, there is nothing wrong with it. You have a lot in common and you want it to endure. Besides, it is sometimes easier to open up to an outsider."

"And she knows the background. She'll have the best view of everything."

"Mh. Yes. You're right. Yes, I'll do it."

He needed to hear that it was a good idea to contact the therapist. Even if he knew that was just what he needed to do.

He sent a message to Wheein-noona that he would need to talk to her by the end of the week, and if she had time, he would be grateful.

He hated making phone calls, but luckily he could text her and she would either write back or call back whenever she could.

He had another dream last night.

  
  


Dongju was starting to see it as a demonic part of himself that wanted to consume every moment spent with his hyung. The demon demanded to return to Seoul, not to split up even for a moment.

 _I've waited so long._ He kept saying. _He is mine._

"We're getting married. What do you want?! Leave me alone!" Dongju grabbed his head.

_They separated us. They didn't let us be together._

"Who? Nobody separates us. And nobody will, ever. I don't want to become someone who is selfish and thinks only about himself. Like you."

Waking up just before dawn was the norm now.

The need to hear Geonhak's voice was so strong that Dongju had to squeeze the pillow. He wanted to fall asleep again. And he wanted that demon or whatever it was to leave his dreams.

He fell asleep.

The sound of the phone woke him.

It was Wheein.

_We can meet tomorrow afternoon_

_10:08_

_I'm in Suwon by the end of the week, noona._

_Can we talk on the phone?_

_10:10_

_Then I'll call you_

_10:21_

He was relieved. He felt immensely relieved. For the first time in a long time, he was glad that he was still under medical supervision and still able to see a therapist.

He was looking forward to the next day. But that meant one more night and one more encounter with this _thing_.

Dongju was so stressed out by this that he was unable to sleep. He was tired, his eyes stung, but he was unable to sleep. Just like it used to be. Memories returned.

All night he thought about how it all began. He opened his laptop and found a file he had saved long ago. The file contained all the chats from the dating app.

He was smiling at how stupid these conversations were, but heart warming too. He remembered how his world suddenly got better since he started talking to Geonhak-hyung. And although it wasn't possible to sleep through the night until hyung snuck into the hospital, he felt so good. Warm. As if he had finally found that one important thing in his life.

He loved him. He loved him so much that he was ready to cry. Why then did he torment himself so much?

He hoped talking to noona would help. Just a little. Perhaps she would guide him on the path to finding the answer.

And while he was thinking this and going through their shared photos on his phone, he noticed a calendar notification.

His heart leapt into his throat.

"The oath! Fuck!" he screamed.

"Son Dongju did you just curse?!" he heard mom's voice downstairs.

"No!" he replied.

There was a moment of silence.

"Breakfast is ready."

He got dressed, used the toilet, and went downstairs to the kitchen. Father read the newspaper and drank tea. He glanced at Dongju and made an eloquent face, glancing at his wife, who was facing away from them.

"Smells nice." Dongju said, hoping there is no big deal.

"There is one thing I thought we taught you. Not to swear."

Yet it was a big deal.

"Mom, it's not like I use bad words every day. Everyone thinks I swear a lot, but in reality it’s Keonhee-hyung. If you'd heard him working in the kitchen..."

Mom sighed and looked at him scoldingly. Dongju answered her with buttery eyes.

He pouted his lips.

"See, this is really important. I forgot about the oath. I was supposed to start thinking about it last week. Where did that week go? And the second one is slowly coming to an end. I'm starting to panic. I haven't slept at all that night. I don't talk to the therapist until afternoon and I don't I know what to do... " he sighed and closed his eyes.

After a while he felt a warm hand on his shoulder.

"Dongju, you have nothing to stress. If you need help with your oath, your father can help you. Or me. Whatever you prefer. And I can see that you haven't slept... Your face is gray and your eyes are tired. Tsk." she stroked his cheek. "Everything will be fine. These are not the times when everything was so stiff."

"I know. We live in really good times..." Dongju thought.

"It's true. I'll make you some tea. Eat. You need to be strong if we're going on a trip tomorrow."

"The weather is supposed to be fine." father said.

"Mh..." Dongju was still pensive. He thought it was a really good time, and then it hit him. "I know! I know how to start my oath!" he began to push food rapidly into his mouth.

"Uh, wait..." mom sighed. "Eat slower... Dongju!"

"I canf. I haf foo fo while I have it in my head!" he took another spoonful of rice and stood up.

"Tea!"

"Later!" he ran upstairs. The laptop was already running, so he sat down in bed and started typing. He was smiling. He was happy. And he had to stick to it.

The oath was ready.

He had read it several times and didn't want to change anything. He stroked Peanut and smiled to himself. They really were very lucky. More than anyone before in years earlier.

In the past, their relationship wouldn’t be possible at all, even if it were tolerated in small circles.

And going further in the past... such a relationship was forbidden. It wasn't in his head now. It's like forbidding people to drink water, forbidding them to breathe. And yes, there were countries where same-sex realtionships were still rather new, but most of the world recognized the established law as one of its human rights. The right to love and respect.

He suddenly thought of the demon in his dreams.

He said something about being separated.

Dongju lay down and covered himself, hugging Peanut. He closed his eyes and fell asleep surprisingly quickly.

And it was there again. This room and the figure sitting in silks, among candles. Snow was falling outside the window.

"Are you separated?" Dongju asked.

The figure looked at him, but the face was still hidden in the shadows.

_Yes. They didn't let us be together._

"Why are you here?"

Silence.

"Are you me?"

_Yes and no._

Dongju sighed.

"You can go. Everyone can be together here now."

_I need him._

"Who?"

Dongju flinched and woke when he heard the phone call. He answered hurriedly, still feeling sleep under his eyelids.

"Hello..."

_"Hello? Dongju?"_

"Noona! I'm sorry. I fell asleep. Hello."

_"Didn't you sleep well that night?"_

"No. I haven't slept at all. I'll tell you what I mean right away... I've had very strange dreams for some time. At first it wasn't anything like that, but as soon as I went to my parents, this demon keeps accusing me of something."

_"Demon?"_

"Yes, I think it's a demon. A worse part of me? He's still trying to blame me for leaving. And I left because I needed time for myself, I wanted to be with my parents, and I wanted to... distance myself."

_"Is this about your relationship with Geonhak?"_

"Yes. I mean, everything's fine. It's perfect, you could say. And I can't wait to get married. But I have the thought that I'm a selfish egotist. That I'm not good enough. That I use him..."

Wheein-noona sighed.

_"We'll switch to a video call, okay? We'll be more comfortable."_

"Mh..." Dongju took the phone away from his ear and received the video message. "Ah, this room. Lots of memories."

Wheein smiled.

"Rather good, I hope."

"Yes. You always wanted to help me, noona. That's why I wanted to talk to you."

"Let's start from the beginning. When did you start thinking about yourself in this way?" she asked, making a note in her notebook.

"Hm... About two, no, three months ago. More or less. We were shopping and... it's so stupid. I'm ashamed. I wanted peanut butter. But Geonhak-hyung put the wrong one in the basket. I noticed it when we were at the checkout. I got annoyed and started saying that now I have to go through the whole store. He apologized to me, noona. I was so terrible to him because of stupid peanut butter and he apologized to me. It hit me when I was holding the jar in my hand, standing in front of the shelf." Dongju sighed. "I gave up on that peanut butter then and took pork belly. His favorite. We ate at home and it was fine, but since then I started to wonder how many other times I was a fussy, complaining, perpetually dissatisfied kid." Dongju put his face in his hands. "And I'm afraid that I'll turn into someone who will hurt him every day more and more. And I can't take it. I love him so much, noona, I can't take it if he suffers because of me." he started to cry.

"Hey, hey... Dongju, take a deep breath like I always told you."

Dongju listened to her and took a few deep breaths until he felt calmer.

"Did you talk to him about this?" she asked.

"No. I guess I was too scared of sticking the stick in the anthill."

"It makes sense for you to settle it with each other. We are often too critical of ourselves and our actions seem enormous, although to others they are barely noticeable. It's a bit like sounds that you hear once and you will pick up forever." her voice was so calm and warm. Dongju should have spoken to her earlier. "You also have to start trusting the person you choose to spend the rest of your life with. Maybe those moments were hurtful for you, but he doesn't see it that way. Don't you think you're making a little decision on his behalf?"

"I... I didn't think about it."

"Making conclusions about ourselves can lead us into a vicious cycle, and in fact, in most cases, we can only blame ourselves for the troubles in the relationship. We don't let others speak for ourselves because we believe in the things we see. And these become a fact for us. Even if, from the perspective of the other person, it's not a fact at all. Do you understand what I mean?

Dongju thought for a moment.

"It's like when I was tired and went to bed early, but I heard the TV and called from the room to turn it down. And when he didn't, I started screaming in annoyance. He simply hadn't heard. Another time, Geonhak-hyung returned very late and wanted to sleep longer. And I was making breakfast and making noise. I woke him up and he also asked me to be quiet... But I didn't hear. We had an argument then about it. Then we talked, and now we know it was a misunderstanding, but at first we were both convinced it was ignorance."

Wheein-noona smiled at him and gave him that strange look. She waved her hand to urge him to move his brain. He already knew the gesture.

"We were talking." he finally said.

"Exactly. The key to success lies in the conversation, Dongju. You can torment yourself with how many mistakes you made, while Geonhak may see it differently. Also remember that you have always had a tendency to judge yourself very harshly. No need to."

"Yes, I know. Hyung tells me that all the time. He keeps telling me that he loves me as I am... But what if love isn't everything? And what if..." he paused. "You're right, noona. I do this to myself. I worry, not knowing the other point of view. I was afraid to talk to him and that fear started taking me too far into the forest. Eh... Noona. I'm so hopeless."

"You're not hopeless, just young and inexperienced. You've been in the hospital all your life. Be a little less hard on yourself."

"Yes. Yes, I'll try." Dongju laughed nervously. "Our first conversation after the wedding. Fantastic."

"I believe you can handle it. Now let's go back to that demon..."

"Yes! He... I don't get it at all."

"Hmm, maybe because you feel guilty your consciousness has created this character. The more you are aware that he cannot hurt you, the better."

"I just want him to shut up because he's wrong."

"You see. You know what the truth is. Our mind is a very complex organ. Nobody has figured out how it works yet. It looks to me as if you have a lot of stage fright, plus your guilt and very little relationship experience."

"So everything should be fine with me, right?"

"Why shouldn't it be? Ask yourself if you are happy."

"Very." Dongju smiled. "And I don't want to spoil it. I have to talk to him, I know for sure. And I will."

Wheein-noona nodded.

"As for your dreams, I'm sure everything will stop."

"Yes, I think so too. Thank you, noona. Really."

"You're welcome. If you need to talk to me any more, let me know. All right?"

Dongju nodded.

"Yes. I will. Thank you."

He felt a little relieved. The solution was very obvious and simple, but for some reason he couldn't see it. Yes, it is true that he was very strict with himself and he often compared himself to his hyung. It didn't make any sense, but he did it anyway. He wanted to prove to himself that he was quite good, although if Geonhak-hyung had objected, he would not have proposed to him. It wouldn't make Dongju feel special every day.

But now he had to make his hyung feel special.

With that in mind, it was much easier for him to function. He also wrote a few words to his oath and considered himself ready.

Dongju was finally able to fully spend the last days of the week with his parents, so they went to see the Hwaseong Fortress. The last time Dongju was here when he was little. That was right before he was sent to a hospital in Seoul.

He was tired then and hardly remembers the trip at all. All he remembers is that the fortress was huge.

But now he could enjoy this place all over again. He took a lot of photos and sent them to Geonhak and Keonhee-hyung. He also had tons of photos with his parents. They ate delicious food and sweets. Dongju also bought postcards and fridge magnets that he wanted to take home.

Home.

It's a tiny apartment he shared with his hyung. With his future husband. When he thought about it now, he felt very calm. Because everything was as it should be.

As they chatted in the evening via video chat, Dongju didn’t want to raise the difficult topic. He avoided it a bit, actually. He just wanted to look at his hyung smiling.

"I miss you." Dongju said, interrupting what Geonhak was saying.

"I know you miss me. So do I. I'm uncomfortable at night without you."

"Ah... sorry hyung. But I had to."

"Are you okay? You look so worried."

"Mh. Hyung, I was just afraid that I wasn't good enough." Dongju looked down.

"Ah, Dongju... We've talked about it so many times. You know very well that if something was wrong, I would have told you."

"Well, yeah. But maybe there are things you don't want to tell me because you think I'll be angry or I'll feel bad."

"Hmm... Well, sometimes you are mean and you don't listen to me at all, but I don't think it's that big. And when we argue, we usually come to an agreement fairly quickly."

"Oh yeah, right." Dongju admitted. He forgot about it completely. "I was talking to Wheein-noona. I was so stressed out and so confused that it came into my dreams. They're terribly weird and stupid." he sighed.

"Hope she helped you?"

"Yes, very much. There are still things I need to see for myself, but... It's okay. And I'll try to be better."

"But you are good already, Dongju. I don't know where you want to set the crossbar, but I think you are aiming a little too high unnecessarily. If you are concerned that you are doing something wrong, then consider that no one is perfect. I have some mistakes on my account too."

"No, you are perfect..." Dongju muttered and Geonhak laughed. With that soft laugh of his.

"You're silly. In four days, I'll get this stupid thing out of your head."

"Please, do it." Dongju smiled.

"And I promise we'll talk about it, okay? Anything you fear. Anything that bothers you and bothers me."

"Yes. I want to talk. About everything."

"Great. We will. Now you want to tell me about those dreams?"

"Mh..." Dongju wasn't sure, but in the end he did so and tried not to miss any detail.

Everything in this dream seemed epochal. The room looked like a picture from a history book. And a figure sitting in silk...

"And you think it's you?" hyung asked.

"Mh. Some demonic part of me rooted in the depths of my brain. Yes."

"And this character says you did wrong by leaving me? Dongju, that's the biggest bullshit in the world. We're getting married in four days."

"I know! But in dreams everything is so real and meaningful… Although sometimes I have doubts who it is. Because he also says they got separated. That they couldn't be together. Him and someone else, but I have no idea who he is talking about. As if about you? But why? This is all so twisted. Or maybe I am going crazy? "

Geonhak snorted.

"You don't. I'm sure it will all stop eventually. Try not to worry too much about it. You should listen to your hyung."

"Yes, I know. I'll try." Dongju smiled. Geonhak nodded. "I miss you. I would love to have you here right now."

"We'll see each other soon."

"Ah, hyung, but I want you..." Dongju complained.

"Ah and what am I supposed to do? You want phone sex?"

"No!" Dongju turned red. "No, when my parents are next door. Ah no, no. I have terrible thoughts in my head right now."

Geonhak began to laugh.

"Go to sleep now. We'll talk again."

"Sleep now? Very unfair, hyung. Very. But I'll try."

That cruel hyung. He knew very well that Geonhak would be ready to tease him as much as possible.

But only a few more days.

Dongju spent Thursday and Friday on more trips with his parents. They walked a lot, taking advantage of good weather, remembering old times and ate good things. Dongju understood that all this gave his parents a lot of joy. Such simple things, and of great value.

Saturday was a very busy day. In the morning, Dongju was at the hairdresser and beauty salon. His hair was trimmed and his face cleansed and moisturized to look good on Monday. And in the afternoon Dongju and his father went to pick up his tuxedo and hanbok. He knew this moment would come, but it wasn't that real until he had that tuxedo in his hand. Then he realized it was really happening.

And his mother had a real crisis when he wore that tuxedo at home.

"Ah, my little boy." she said with her eyes full of tears.

"Mom, it's just a tuxedo."

"No, Dongju. It's your _wedding_ tuxedo. I don't even want to think how beautiful you will look in a hanbok. But this tuxedo suits you so much."

Dongju also felt very comfortable in it. They agreed with Geonhak-hyung that they would choose black, but may contain some additives. Dongju chose to have the lapels lightly decorated with silver thread. The vest was also black, as was the shirt, but the tie, though dark, was also decorated with silver thread.

It looked very elegant. And serious.

As for the hanbok, they opted for bright, light colors. Dongju chose an opal color. It shimmered beautifully with a pink and blue shade.

He had no idea what his hyung chose, and it made him feel joyful excitement.

He could barely sleep.

It was really _happening_. In a dozen or so hours.

On Sunday, he and his parents went to Seoul by train, and there he stayed with them in a hotel, and from there they were close to the venue.

There are only a _few_ hours left.

Dongju and Geonhak-hyung spoke on the phone one last time before seeing each other the next day.

"By this time tomorrow you will be mine." Dongju said.

_"And I thought I was yours already."_

"You are. But you will be mine officially under the law. I would like to point out right away that you will not get a divorce. Never."

 _"You're saying it now... I can still change my mind."_ Geonhak was laughing.

"Try it hyung. I'll find you anywhere."

_"I know you would. It's getting late, go to sleep."_

"Difficult task. You are so close yet so far..."

_"The sooner you fall asleep, the sooner we'll see each other."_

Dongju sighed.

"Right. Good point. See you tomorrow. Can't wait."

_"Me too. Good night."_

Sleep. Dream. Let it come tomorrow.

The figure visited him in his sleep again, but this time he said nothing. He just sat and stared at the window. This time, however, it wasn’t snowing outside, but there were signs of spring.

Dongju was strangely calm as he stood in the wardrobe, adjusting his tuxedo. Mum, wearing a beautiful traditional hanbok, couldn't stop crying until father finally took her away so she could get ready.

Keonhee-hyung looked inside, passing them in the aisle. He looked even taller in a suit and was very handsome.

"How's the mood?" he asked.

Dongju took a shuddering breath.

"Fine, but I'm shaking a little. I can't press a button."

"I'll help you."

They stood silently as Keonhee buttoned his tuxedo.

"You look great. Very handsome." Keonhee nodded. "It'll be okay. Don't worry."

"You saw him?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"Super sexy."

"Oh no."

"You'll be fine."

"Hyung, you don't seem to understand the importance of the situation."

"You'll be fine! You've been living together for a long time. You're just gonna announce your relationship together today and signing a document, that's all."

"We'll see how you behave at your wedding." Dongju gritted his teeth.

"It won't be soon." Keonhee laughed and patted him on both shoulders. "That's life, Dongju. Sometimes you get nervous, but as a result everything is fine. I'm going to the hall. Can I leave you alone here?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Then see you later."

Dongju was left alone. He took a deep breath and patted the back of his neck lightly. He closed his eyes.

Geonhak. His hyung. He will finally see him after two weeks of separation. They will be together finally. They will say _yes_ , finally.

This is what he wanted. He dreamed about it.

His heart filled with warmth and calmed down. A smile spread across his face.

He left the dressing room and stopped at the side door that led to the main hall.

He was standing and just waiting his turn.

He heard the leader's voice introducing their mothers. He knew they would both go to the altar and light the candles, then bow to each other and to all the guests in the hall.

And then it was their time.

The version was a bit different than the wedding of the opposite sex couple. First the groom, then the bride. But since he and Geonhak were of the same sex, they both walked in front of the altar at the same time.

The side door opened and Dongju left.

He saw Geonhak was there too and felt his legs soften. At the sight of a perfectly black tuxedo and gray tie, his blood was boiling. He wanted to hug him and kiss him and tear his clothes off, even though he looked so good in that suit.

But he also wanted to cry. He had to clench his lips and teeth. He blinked quickly to keep the tears. And from what he could see, his hyung was touched too. His eyes were sparkling.

They approached each other and together, arm in arm, approached the altar.

It's time for their oaths.

They were talking about who should start first and they had no idea so over the video call they played rock paper scissors.

And Dongju won.

That's why now he was the first to hold a piece of paper in his hand and read…

"My hyung. I thought a long time about what to say. But the answer was very simple. The time we were born is lucky for us. We are lucky to live in a world where love, whoever you are, has the right to flourish. I've been locked up for a long time, separated. And I know that winter has prevailed in my heart. But since I met you, it's finally spring. I don't know if I will ever be able to express how grateful I am for what you gave me. For a while I was teased with thoughts that I wasn't perfect enough. Sometimes there was a darkness in my mind that I’m not worthy of you. But you are like the sun and I need you to never be in the dark again. I promise you to love you and be faithful to you. To respect and support you in health and disease. I want to learn from you and give my best. If I do something wrong, please tell me about it and I will try to fix it. I want you to remember this and know how important you are to me. Let's use the time that has been given to us and live each moment together, creating new memories." he finished and swallowed, though with difficulty because his throat was very tight. He looked at Geonhak shyly, and his hyung looked at him softly and lovingly.

He picked up the microphone and began reading his oath.

"Dongju, sometimes I get worried when you don't say anything and then I don't know what to do. Sometimes you close yourself in your thoughts and I don't know how to help you. I want you to remember that you are perfect for me as you are. Including your faults which seem so great to you. You are actually wrong. Because you taught me to love, because thanks to you I was able to open up. Because you give me confidence. Because thanks to you, I can see purpose in my life. I want to protect you and look after you. I want to love you and argue with you so that we can come to an agreement later." Dongju began to cry, so he lowered his head and tried to hide it. "You are the moon that illuminates the dark night for me. You are my stars that guide me. The world was gray to me. I suffered a lot and believed that I would always be alone. Until you showed up. You are my colors. My summer. I promise to do everything in my power to make you always feel special, because that's what you are to me. No matter if you are healthy or sick, I will always be with you. I promise I'll always be yours. And please listen to your hyung a little more.” Geonhak smiled and handed the microphone to the wedding helper.

They got wedding rings. Silver, simple. With the sign of the full moon to symbolize their unity.

Dongju wanted to act adult, but he cried and couldn't hold back his tears. It was too much.

"Don't cry, Dongju." hyung whispered, wiping his tears from his cheek.

"I can’t stop."

Geonhak laughed quiet and short and then slipped a silver ring on Dongju's finger. Dongju did the same. 

He didn’t expect the feeling he felt.

It was as if everything bad had ceased to exist, as if there had never been any doubts.

And then they could kiss.

Dongju embraced his neck and didn't care about posing for photos. He finally felt fulfilled.

He wanted to kiss him endlessly, but he was crying so much that he had to hide his face in his hands. He felt Geonhak embrace him and kiss him on the top of his head.

"It's okay." he whispered, comfortingly stroking his back.

Meanwhile, Dongju's father approached the podium.

"There is nothing wrong with crying." Dongju turned his head, but still pressed against Geonhak. He wanted to stay in these arms. "That's what my wife said to me when I found out that our son can leave the hospital. I cried that day because I felt relieved for the first time in years. The worst that can exist is not being able to help your own child. I must admit that I was very skeptical. Dongju called and said: I have a boyfriend! I couldn't believe it. But not because I wanted him to have a girlfriend, no, but because I was shocked at how much I could have missed. I was afraid it would end badly. That my son will suffer even more. But I was wrong. When Geonhak called and asked us to speak, I remained skeptical even though I already knew a little about him. He offered to take Dongju from the hospital. That he knows how to help him. And that changed everything." father sighed and nodded. "Geonhak, I'm sorry I doubted you. I was wrong. Thank you for loving my son, for taking care of him. We promise to support you always. And we wish you happiness and health.” he smiled and Dongju let out a sob. Geonhak hugged him even tighter and laughed softly.

Geonhak's father now approached the podium.

He nodded as he looked at them, then took a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to Dongju as he returned to the spot. Dongju bowed slightly and wiped his face and nose softly.

"My son has always been quiet and reticent." he started talking. "It was hard to get anything out of him. He was also stubborn and quickly got angry. Just like me." he smiled. "I always tried to support my son, I wanted him to have a better life than me. I wanted him to be happy. But sometimes even the most loving parent is powerless. And although he met so many people, which raised our hopes, it always ended the same. With sorrow and regret. We were worried and didn't know what to do. I don't know what a miracle made you come, Dongju. But thank you. Thank you for giving Geonhak so much happiness, thank you for bringing so much joy and life around. We are glad that you will be part of our family. You both can always count on us.” he nodded and bowed to Dongju's parents as he was leaving. At this they got up hastily and also bowed. Both mothers started crying.

Dongju thought it was over, but Keonhee-hyung suddenly appeared and took the microphone.

"I've been planning this for a while and there is a song that I want to dedicate to you... I think it suits you very much."

Both he and Geonhak were surprised, but they stayed there, standing in the middle, watching their friend get ready for the show.

"The song is called _White Night_."

The soft melody of the piano filled the venue, and Keonhee's voice was soft and sweet. Like honey. Like a warm blanket. Like sunshine. It was shocking because neither of them knew Keonhee could sing. And the words, the words were special…

_Hold my hand at a point in the black sky_

_Never give up don't be afraid_

_Always light me up_

_White night_

_Like the undefeated sun_

_It'll be a white night_

_When the darkness swallows you_

_I'll give you a bright light_

_Don't give up!_

_You can follow the white road_

_I can't love you in the dark_

_I can't love you in the dark_

Dongju looked at his hyung and smiled at each other. Their friend knew them better than they could have guessed. This song really suited them. Almost at it was made for them...

_Day an night, time falls away_

_Nothing in this world can stop me_

_Step be step, I'll come closer_

_You just have to look at me_

_An eternal never ending night_

_White night_

_Like the undefeated sun_

_It'll be a white night_

_When the darkness swallows you_

_I'll give you a bright light_

_Don't give up!_

_You can follow the white road_

_I can't love you in the dark_

_I can't love you in the dark_

The music stopped. Keonhee bowed slightly and returned to his seat with a smile. It was still a shock to them. This day was getting better and better. And Dongju wondered how he could give back to someone who had been his friend for so long. Which also supported him and made the days in the hospital fun and not so overwhelming.

He must have come up with something.

Someone played back the instrumental used by Keonhee and with that emotional background sound they bowed to their parents.

First to Dongju's parents.

They both knelt on the floor and bowed low, staying there for a few seconds. It was a thank you for their effort and care. And when they got up, Dongju’s parents hugged them tightly.

They did the same on the side where Geonhak's parents were sitting.

At the very end they also bowed to the guests and this ceremony was over. They were allowed to leave the room where they were showered with confetti. Dongju started laughing when he saw Keonhee-hyung throw confetti at them, which turned out to be the heads of Disney characters. It was so stupid, but so wonderful at the same time.

They stopped at the entrance, where the photographer and filmmaker was taking some photos and shots for their wedding album. Dongju looked at his hyung, who leaned in, kissing him lightly.

They spent some time taking pictures in different positions and in the room where there were some small sets. Like a gazebo full of roses or a decorated cathedral wall with a fountain. There was even a castle scenery. They used them all but didn't pretend to be serious. Mostly they were silly photos and they liked them the most.

These were supposed to be photos for their album, with guests, with parents. And of course Keonhee.

Each of them returned to the changing room.

Even though Dongju was excited, he was tired too. He just wanted to go and eat and sit in his husband's arms.

They still have to sign documents to really be married, but since it was supposed to be right after the ceremony, Dongju considered it done.

In the dressing room, he changed from his tuxedo into his hanbok, and as soon as he was ready he walked back out, where he was led into a smaller room where the last ceremony was to be held. The more traditional one.

Pyebaek.

They waited a moment longer in the hanboks, because the photographer was setting the camera.

Dongju felt his stomach rumble and his thoughts were only about food.

"I would like a potato." he said.

"You have to wait."

"But I want a baked potato." Dongju said in a whiny voice.

"Soon you will be eating..."

"But I want a potato now."

"Your stomach will be bloated and we still have a photo session in hanbok..."

"Potato! The hall is right there, hyung."

Geonhak sighed and tapped him lightly on his butt, leaning down to his ear.

"Soon you'll be eating as many potatoes as you want."

"But I'm so hungry, I wish I could now. Please give me a potato. A sweet baked potato."

"I won't sneak in there now."

"I will starve to death and you will become a widower."

"You will not starve."

"Dongju will starve to death because you didn’t let him eat a baked potato..."

"I swear to God." Geonhak sighed and shook his head. Dongju looked at him through the eyes of a cute puppy. But instead of food, he got a kiss.

"Hold on a little longer, huh?" hyung whispered with a smile.

Dongju smiled.

"Okay, I'll try."

The photographer was everywhere when they finally entered the room, and my parents were waiting, sitting at the set table. Geonhak and Dongju bowed to them again and offered them alcohol.

At the end they drank alcohol together, crossing their arms.

Dongju flinched and grimaced because the soju was very strong. Geonhak chuckled at his expression, and Dongju punched him on the shoulder, covering his mouth.

All that's left is to pose for a few photos. Because, of course, they couldn't catch chestnuts, because neither of them would get pregnant, but maybe one day they could adopt a child. Who knows.

For now, Peanut was enough for them.

Signing the documents was the shortest. They put their signatures, the official gave a stamp and congratulated the newlyweds. And that was it. They were married by law.

But that wasn't the end of the day just yet.

Both Dongju and Geonhak wanted a small party after the ceremony, so they could dress in something more comfortable. Dongju wanted to eat first of all, and when they welcomed the last guests to the room, he finally wanted to look for something tasty.

But before he did itk, his hyung came to him with a plate full of baked potatoes.

Dongju smiled. It was perfect.

Dancing was more of a series of nonsense, especially since he and Keonhee-hyung had a similar sense of humor. Dongju's mom even found that they were very similar, as if they were twins.

To which they responded in chorus:

"We are not alike at all!"

And that made a lot of laughter.

Dongju finally sat content, although his legs ached badly. He hadn't been sitting since early in the morning and had to go to the guests all the time. And both families invited a lot of people. Some aunts and uncles Dongju had never seen before. But he had to greet them.

Geonhak sat down next to him and stroked his knee lightly, to comfort him.

"How are you?" hyung asked.

"Tired. I want to go home, hug you and sleep." Dongju put his head on his shoulder.

"Ah just a little more. Will you dance with me once?"

"Do you really want to dance? I can't feel my legs."

"One slow dance. Please."

Dongju sighed.

"All right."

Geonhak surprised him. He must have been planning it, because he gave Keonhee a sign and after a while the song they both knew started to play, but Dongju didn't expect it at all.

Geonhak hugged him, and they swayed slowly.

" _Red Thread_?" Dongju asked.

"Yes. This is my dedication to you." he said and pressed his face against Dongju's neck. “When I hear it, I’m thinking about you.”

The whole song was full of meaning and Dongju understood every word. He wasalso sure that Geonhak-hyung had to listen to it many times because his oath too was full of promises, full of talk of light and dark. It made his heart ache, but in a good way. He was thankful. Grateful for every moment.

_Don't let my hand go._

_Don't cut this thread_

_In this pitch darkness,_

_I'll come to find you again someday_

_I'll hug you then._

_So I can make you feel_

_Come back to me._

_Are we fated to meet again_

_Even if it's tangled, we'll solve it._

_Following the white light, I'm coming to you_

_For me, it's just you._

_For me, it's just you._

_Me without you_

_Along the red thread_

_For me, it's just you._

_For me, it's just you._

_Me without you_

_I am nothing_

…

Dongju was absolutely sure that’s it. They got a lot of envelopes and greetings, said goodbye to the guests, and he believed it was over. He wanted to put on an old T-shirt and sweatpants and go under the blanket.

But something very suspicious began to happen. When Dongju came out of the toilet, he saw Geonhak and Keonhee-hyung standing and talking quietly about something. They had their backs to him so he couldn't see, but Keonhee gave something to Geonhak.

Geonhak's father was there too. He nodded, smiled, and walked away.

"What are you doing?" he asked when he finally joined them.

"Ah, Dongju. We can finally go." Geonhak said as if nothing had happened.

"I saw you talking and it looked very suspicious."

"Ah, you always see conspiracies everywhere." Keonhee-hyung waved his hand. "I just wished you all the best."

"Again? You've done this hundreds of times. You cried harder each time."

"Ah, be quiet! And your suspicions are correct. You are kidnapped."

"Kidnapped?"

"Bye Bye!" Keonhee waved, and before Dongju could understand Geonhak grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the exit. It was getting dark already.

Dongju was pushed into the car.

"Hyung, what's going on? Where are we going?"

"You'll find out soon enough."

"Hyung, I thought we were going home..."

"We're not going home."

He wasn't sure if he was going to be angry or scared or excited. He was just tired and decided to give up. What mattered to him was that he was with his hyung.

However, he soon discovered that they were going to the airport and it became suspicious even more.

"You want to take me out of the country?" Dongju asked.

"Yes, that's what I’m doing."

"But I have absolutely nothing with me!"

"It's all in the trunk." Geonhak seemed very proud of himself.

"But how..."

"Ah well, you were gone for two weeks, I had a lot of time to plan everything. Keonhee helped me pack my bags, so don't worry. The suitcase has everything you need."

"But Peanut!"

"Your mother offered to take care of him. She said he is her only grandson so far."

"Sounds like her. But hyung! Where are we going?"

"You'll find out soon enough." Geonhak smiled and put an arm around him, kissing his forehead.

Dongju was stunned. As he stood at the entrance waiting for them to board the plane, it seemed completely unreal. In fact, he was sure he was dreaming.

Maybe he ate too many baked potatoes?

Even after they were on the plane and the plane took off, he still didn't believe it was really happening.

He saw the route on the screen in front of him. They flew to Hawaii. He never expected to be in Hawaii.

He never expected to go anywhere at all.

After eating, he fell asleep. He was so tired his head dropped quickly. The rest of his consciousness made him comfortable, and the hum of the plane helped him sleep.

The room was lit by daylight. It was spring outside the window. The flowers were blooming. The door was also open. Dongju could smell the air.

The figure was finally fully visible. It was him. Dongju. In long, dark hair, dressed in traditional clothes.

"Are you going out?" Dongju asked.

 _Yes._ Dongju from the dream replied. I found him. _He's waiting for me. We can be together finally._ He looked towards the door. It was very bright there, but someone was standing there. There was a shadow.

"I told you. In this world everyone can be together."

 _I'm happy._ Dongju from the dream smiled and left, disappearing into the light.

"Wake up." he heard Geonhak whisper and opened his eyes slowly. "We're going to land. Buckle up your seat belt."

"Already? So soon?" Dongju yawned and rubbed his eyes.

"You slept the entire flight." Geonhak laughed.

"And that's even better."

From Kahului Airport, they traveled less than half an hour to the town of Wailea-Makena. And there, a villa was waiting for them right on the beach.

Villa. On the beach.

Dongju could stand on the terrace, take a step, and be on the beach. And from there, a few steps away was the ocean.

But now it was almost morning. A shining glow appeared over the water.

"Is it Monday or Tuesday?" Dongju frowned and stared out at the ocean. "Because our wedding was Monday."

Geonhak-hyung walked over to him and hugged him tightly from behind.

"Don't think about it now."

"But it bothers me."

Geonhak laughed, kissing his neck slowly.

"We got married on Monday, but here this Monday just begins. It's like stepping back 19 hours in time."

"Really?!"

"Are you tired? Do you want to go to sleep?"

"I got a good sleep on the plane and I'm too confused to sleep."

"Hm... maybe a shower?"

"Oh, the shower is definitely a good idea."

The whole villa looked very exclusive. Dongju was shocked by the amount of gifts, flowers and treats. Everything was so beautifully arranged and they even got a letter from the hotel with wishes for the newlyweds.

And the bathroom was made from white marble. With a huge bathtub and glass shower.

Dongju naively thought that he would take a bath alone. But after a while Geonhak-hyung appeared among the clouds of steam. He kissed his neck and collarbone, running his hands over his entire body. Dongju felt chills. Pleasant chills.

"Wait." he whispered.

"What is going on?" hyung asked.

"Mh, maybe... maybe later?"

"Dongju, are you nervous?"

"I don't know, sort of. My heart is beating so fast. It feels like our first time." he laughed nervously and closed his eyes.

"You don't want this?"

"I want to. I want it so badly that I can hardly concentrate.”

"Then you have nothing to worry about."

They said nothing more. His hyung's hands reached for his cock, teasing him and making Dongju tremble very quickly in pleasure. He was a little ashamed that not so much was enough for him to come.

But he was so hungry for it.

He might have tried to tell himself that it shouldn't be like that, but the truth was, he wanted a Geonhak almost all the time. There were days when he didn't want to get out of bed at all.

He turned and embraced Geonhak's neck, kissing him. Hyung stroked his ass before starting to prepare him. It was already enjoyable.

Dongju dared to open his eyes and saw the hot water trickling down his man's perfect body. Dongju moaned miserably, feeling that he is hard again. Geonhak kissed him passionately, intently, and lifted him up effortlessly. He leaned it against the shower wall and entered into him. Dongju moaned again, fingers clasping on hyung's shoulder.

It was very kinky.

Dongju didn't expect it, but he liked it very much. His whole body tightened with delight. But it was fast. Too fast.

After this one time, they couldn't get enough.

They both used towels, but when Dongju wanted to go to his suitcase for pajamas, Geonhak put his arm around his face and kissed him, pushing him towards the bed. The towels fell to the ground next to him.

Clasped hands. Moans. Whispers. The bedroom was full of it. Dongju experienced one ecstasy after another. He felt so good.

"Ah, hyung..." he whispered as he splashed cum on his belly again. Geonhak used the towel and continued.

It was torture. A sweet torture he wanted to go on forever.

No matter what position they were in, it was always so perfect. But Dongju had to admit to himself that he liked best when he was on his knees. It was so perverse that he wanted to be ashamed but couldn't. He wanted to kneel with his head on the pillow and let his hyung fuck him like that all the time.

But even though there was so much intensity there, Geonhak-hyung always made sure to end it gently and tenderly. With kisses, touch, whispers.

It was the last time. They had no energy anymore. The day had risen long ago, and they lay completely still together. Dongju had his legs crossed over Geonhak's thighs, who was lying on his side and playing with his hair.

They looked at each other.

"I love you." Dongju said.

"I love you, too." Geonhak whispered.

Dongju lay down closer and kissed him for a while. Loud and lazy.

"Hm, when I will have the idea of parting for so long again... Handcuff me to yourself."

Geonhak laughed.

"I can use the handcuffs, but for something else."

"Hyung!"

"I know you'd like it, don't act innocent."

"Aish, I'm going to sleep." Dongju turned to the other side, back to him. Trying to force a play with handcuffs out of his mind.

Geonhak laughed and sighed. There was silence for a moment and there was only sound of the ocean.

"Hyung, I want to be good."

"You are good, Dongju. You have a heart of gold." Geonhak grunted a little sleepily.

"Remember the peanut butter situation?"

"Hmm... Not really. Ah, I know. When I took the wrong one?"

"Yes. Sorry for getting upset then. It was stupid. And sorry to get pissed off when you leave your dirty socks on the floor. Or when you leave a teaspoon of yogurt in a whole cup."

"Dongju, these are really silly things. Do you really care about this?"

"I don't want to act like a bitch. I don't want to hurt you."

Geonhak sighed.

"Come here." Dongju turned and rested head on his chest, cuddling up to him. Hyung hugged him, stroking his shoulder. "I don't think these are things big enough to worry about. I’m making a mess with my clothes, I admit. And I should pay more attention to what peanut butter you like. We'll slowly get to what's best for us. The relationship cannot be without obstacles, because then we will live in an illusion. Besides, I like it when you get angry. You're cute then. Of course I'm talking about little things. Not the big argument we haven't had yet and I hope we won't have... But you never know. The more we know about ourselves and the more we respect each other, the more chances of non-conflict increase."

"You're right. You asked me to listen to you more, so I promise to do it. And thank you. For your oath... I didn't get the chance to tell you how much it meant to me. And it still means."

"And I thank you for yours. I really had no doubts. And our fathers." Geonhak laughed. "I liked their words too."

"Me too. Thank you for being here too."

"Hey, hey... Are those tears?" Geonhak wiped his cheek. Dongju didn't even defend himself. He just smiled.

"You are so sweet to me." he said instead.

"But only for you."

"Yes, just for me." Dongju smiled and pouted, and Geonhak kissed him lightly several times.

"What about your demon?"

"Hmm, he's gone. He said he's happy." Dongju smiled.

"Ah, so he won't bother us anymore?"

"No, he shouldn't." Dongju closed his eyes, feeling that sleep is closer and closer. "What are we going to do in Hawaii?"

"What do you want?"

"Have sex with my husband, eat and sleep. We can go to the beach. As an exception."

Geonhak laughed brightly, in that warm, soft voice of his. How he had such a low voice when talks, but when he laughed he was like sunbeams, that was a mystery to Dongju.

"Fine. We'll do whatever we want." Geonhak added. "I like that husband part. But let's sleep now. It's so perfect." he whispered and fell asleep in a second.

"Yes." Dongju agreed, although his hyung was already asleep. "It's perfect." and he himself fell asleep.

Their time was now.

  
\---

_The End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to every ToMoon who read this and supported me in this series. This short series is extremely close to my heart and I hope it won your too.
> 
> Thank you~~


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